Photo: Cherrybrook metro station by John Cowper
Inside This Issue |
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Upcoming Events
Next Meetings
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Peter Stanton
Trip to Flores |
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Monday 20th January 2020
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No Meeting
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Monday 27 January 2020
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Upcoming Events
This year, please don't forget an annual contribution to the NTA!
TANKS AND TOILETS
TACKLING POVERTY HEAD ON IN FLORES
Dear NTA Supporters,
As if in a flash, another year has vanished before our eyes and Christmas is eagerly knocking at the door.
Your support throughout the year has enabled us to make significant changes, drastically improving the lives of those throughout Eastern Indonesia. It is with this continued generous support we will be able to take further strides, enriching the lives of some of the poorest people in the world, offering them new opportunities and chances in life. TANKS AND TOILETS As we enter the season of giving, there is no better time to enact change and contribute to the NTA. This year we will be directing funds towards the building of water tanks, household toilets and washing facilities for the poor, rural communities throughout Flores, Indonesia. We are aiming to raise $10,000, which will enable the NTA to build 20 x 15,000L water tanks and 20x household toilet/washing facilities.
TANKS AND TOILETS
TACKLING POVERTY HEAD ON IN FLORES
Dear NTA Supporters,
As if in a flash, another year has vanished before our eyes and Christmas is eagerly knocking at the door.
Your support throughout the year has enabled us to make significant changes, drastically improving the lives of those throughout Eastern Indonesia. It is with this continued generous support we will be able to take further strides, enriching the lives of some of the poorest people in the world, offering them new opportunities and chances in life. TANKS AND TOILETS As we enter the season of giving, there is no better time to enact change and contribute to the NTA. This year we will be directing funds towards the building of water tanks, household toilets and washing facilities for the poor, rural communities throughout Flores, Indonesia. We are aiming to raise $10,000, which will enable the NTA to build 20 x 15,000L water tanks and 20x household toilet/washing facilities.
WHY WATER TANKSWater tanks make a considerably large impact on the quality of life for those throughout Eastern Indonesia. Providing a reliable source of clean water for drinking, cooking, cleaning, farming and hygienic facilities that can be easily topped up by trucks during the extended dry season.
Without tanks, water is carried by bucket from distant and unreliable water sources. All members of the family must take part in this laborious, challenging work. It is not uncommon to see even the youngest members of the family carrying enormous amounts, impacting their physical development. Accessibility of water tanks frees families from this burden, allowing them to focus on other vital aspects of life, and in particular, children are now to free to attend school.
Without tanks, water is carried by bucket from distant and unreliable water sources. All members of the family must take part in this laborious, challenging work. It is not uncommon to see even the youngest members of the family carrying enormous amounts, impacting their physical development. Accessibility of water tanks frees families from this burden, allowing them to focus on other vital aspects of life, and in particular, children are now to free to attend school.
It is becoming increasingly more common for communities to also utilise the water tank for small vegetable gardens and growing seedlings. These vegetable gardens offer families a stable, reliable source of nutritious food throughout the year, combating many of the issues concerning malnutrition in the region. In addition to this, excess vegetable growth represents an opportunity for supplementary income, a boon for many families and communities.
Water tanks are a critical first step in also providing hygienic facilities, the current lack of toilets and washing facilities in many communities contributes to a myriad of health-related issues.
Water tanks are a critical first step in also providing hygienic facilities, the current lack of toilets and washing facilities in many communities contributes to a myriad of health-related issues.
A local community meeting where need for water tanks was expressed.
The NTA implements activities and projects through 200 community groups, each of these composed of between 10 – 15 households. These community groups make their own decisions and communicate priority projects to the NTA. This year, these groups have expressed ongoing demand for water tanks, toilets and washing facilities – more than currently can be met.WHAT WATER TANKS DO WE BUILD?The NTA has been building, designing and assessing water tanks for over 25 years throughout Eastern Indonesia. The current design, a 15,000L ferrocement water tank has a number of distinct advantages:
The individuals, families and communities throughout Eastern Indonesia are some of our closest neigbours, neighbours who are suffering from severe poverty and extreme seasonal conditions. The NTA has been working within the region for over 25 years, tackling the issues head on and building sustainable methods to improve communities, enact change and empowering people to rise out of poverty.
The region is quite similar to the northern areas of Australia, with a prolonged dry season known as the ‘hunger season’. Malnutrition is widespread and the area has some of the worst rates of illiteracy, infant mortality and life spans throughout Indonesia.
In this environment of poverty, even the smallest financial contributions to the NTA can have an incredible impact on improving the lives of those throughout the region.
The NTA implements activities and projects through 200 community groups, each of these composed of between 10 – 15 households. These community groups make their own decisions and communicate priority projects to the NTA. This year, these groups have expressed ongoing demand for water tanks, toilets and washing facilities – more than currently can be met.WHAT WATER TANKS DO WE BUILD?The NTA has been building, designing and assessing water tanks for over 25 years throughout Eastern Indonesia. The current design, a 15,000L ferrocement water tank has a number of distinct advantages:
- They provide the maximum volume of water per dollar
- Proven to last many years with minimal upkeep
- Construction actively involves communities, enhancing their sense of ownership
- Utilises locally available materials
- Empowers communities with the skills to plan and build, allowing for ease in maintenance and scaling up production.
The individuals, families and communities throughout Eastern Indonesia are some of our closest neigbours, neighbours who are suffering from severe poverty and extreme seasonal conditions. The NTA has been working within the region for over 25 years, tackling the issues head on and building sustainable methods to improve communities, enact change and empowering people to rise out of poverty.
The region is quite similar to the northern areas of Australia, with a prolonged dry season known as the ‘hunger season’. Malnutrition is widespread and the area has some of the worst rates of illiteracy, infant mortality and life spans throughout Indonesia.
In this environment of poverty, even the smallest financial contributions to the NTA can have an incredible impact on improving the lives of those throughout the region.
Maria Edita Kapi, Yohanes Jogo and their son Yohanes proudly show off their new water tank.
As Christmas rapidly approaches and we turn our minds to much needed downtime with our friends and family, it is vital we do not forget our neighbours in Eastern Indonesia. Every contribution made to the NTA is capable of changing lives and forging new, previously inaccessible futures.
Warm regards,
Your friends at the NTA.
As Christmas rapidly approaches and we turn our minds to much needed downtime with our friends and family, it is vital we do not forget our neighbours in Eastern Indonesia. Every contribution made to the NTA is capable of changing lives and forging new, previously inaccessible futures.
Warm regards,
Your friends at the NTA.
Pamper Packs for Coonabarabran
Anne and Colin Sharpe have volunteered to visit Coonabarabran to deliver Pamper Packs.
Suggested contents for these Pamper Packs are:
Suggested contents for these Pamper Packs are:
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Ladies
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Gents
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The above is just a general idea, but really its the items that don’t make the list when funds are tight, but make life a little easier and help with your state of mind.
If anyone doesn’t have the time to do this but can donate cash Anne is more than happy to purchase goods and make up packs.
If anyone doesn’t have the time to do this but can donate cash Anne is more than happy to purchase goods and make up packs.
Recent Club Activities:
Garage Sale 2019 |
12-13 October
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We had a very successful Garage Sale.
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Duty Roster
If you are unable to be at the meeting please contact the person doing your role the following week/s, arrange a swap and advise Douglas, so he can amend his records.
Also, to avoid being rostered on, please notify Douglas of any upcoming known absences (eg holidays) from meetings in the next twelve months.
Also, to avoid being rostered on, please notify Douglas of any upcoming known absences (eg holidays) from meetings in the next twelve months.
What it takes to be a Rotarian
There are members of the community who may have some misunderstandings about what it takes to be a Rotarian.
We are always looking for new members and, in fact, it is new people joining that keeps us alive as a Service club. From time to time I hear people say things that make me think they don't consider joining or even visiting Rotary for all the wrong reasons.
This article is about the things you don't need to join Rotary, and the things you do, just in case you are not sure. The other thing you should know is that we are a very friendly bunch of men and women and we have a lot of fun, as well as achieving some pretty good things in the community.
We are always looking for new members and, in fact, it is new people joining that keeps us alive as a Service club. From time to time I hear people say things that make me think they don't consider joining or even visiting Rotary for all the wrong reasons.
This article is about the things you don't need to join Rotary, and the things you do, just in case you are not sure. The other thing you should know is that we are a very friendly bunch of men and women and we have a lot of fun, as well as achieving some pretty good things in the community.
Don't need:
Must have:
If you would like to come along as a guest to see what it is all about just call either:- President Keith (0478 599 155) or Tony (Membership) (0412 812 624) Club Details: Rotary Club of West Pennant Hills and Cherrybrook meets every Monday for Dinner at Springfield House Arrive 6:30pm Start 7:00pm End 9:00pm 245 New Line Rd Dural NSW 2128 Australia |
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Centurion Program and Centurion Membership application
Significant Club Fundraising Events during the year
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The Book Sale March 2019
As the result of a lot of hard work the MarchBook Sale was a great success, especially from the organisers Andrew Little, Max Henderson, Neville Hansen and Rosemary Clarke. Funds raised exceeded $19,000. Well done.
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2019 Trivia Night
The Club held a very successful trivia night on Saturday 17 August 2019 at the Cherrybrook Community Centre, raising near $6,600 all of which will go to assist drought relief. Click this link to read more. |
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The Garage Sale 2019
We have just had our best and most successful Garage Sale on the weekend of 12 & 13 October raising a gross - north of $35k.
Excellent Project Management and a large number of dedicated volunteers, some putting in hours of effort, in the weeks before the weekend contributed to this result. |
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Barbecues
The club runs fund raising barbecues throughout the year, mainly at Bunnings (both Dural and Thornleigh) Here are Barry, Tony, Nick and David hard at work. at Thornleigh.. |
Meetings |
Monday 6:30pm for 7:00pm - Springfield House - 245 New Line Road, Dural 2158 |
Apologies |
If you are unable to attend or are bringing a guest (even if they are your partner) you must notify Julie.
Email [email protected] before 1pm on the Friday before the meeting. Please no communication via phone (either verbal or SMS) |
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If you are expected and do not show you will be required to pay for the meal.
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President's Report 2nd December 2019
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Just came back from a very enjoyable Presentation Day, and realised that I have not reported on Monday’s events.
I congratulate all Board Elect members. We have one vacancy and two “possibles” to fill, so Rosemary can enjoy the rest of her vacation. The new Constitution and Bylaws were ratified, and we are now COL19 compliant. Changes from immediately previous are miniscule. Attendance matters arose as a result of the Treasurer’s Report. The meeting indicated in favour of charging non-attendees who did not indicate a prior apology. The night was completed by a discussion on the Galston request to merger. A range of views were expressed. I will attempt to accelerate the next step of a discussion on Satellite Clubs that will involve PDG Graeme Davies. I hope to see him Friday night to indicate the need/desire to have this meeting. Next week is Kris Kringle, it is also a Partners Night, and George will be inducted. I hope the Christmas spirit is already of influence to you and your family. Rotary Rocks Keith |
Night Report 2nd December
Sergeant John Tchetchenian: opened the meeting
President Keith Ball: welcomed all to the meeting.
Later in the meeting, Keith informed all about the approach made by the Galston Rotary Club to merge with our club and he detailed various concerns of such a merger and described other options such as a Satellite Club. A detailed discussion followed where various pros and cons were presented by several members
George Chenouda will be inducted at next Monday night’s meeting
Directors Reports:
Tony Coote- Membership:
Several members will be attending the Christmas function at St Gabriel’s school next Wednesday 4 December
Neville Hansen – Community Service:
10 members have volunteered to work at the ARV BBQ which will be held on Thursday 12 Dec.
The Tree of Joy gift wrapping will be held at the Turnbull’s at 6.00pm on the 16th of December. Neville will send an email with details to all members.
Gift Wrapping at Cherrybrook Village will be on Thursday 19th December from 3pm to 6pm and on 20 & 21 December from 11am to 2pm. Neville will send an email with details to all members.
Peter Stanton – International service:
Peter and Paul have returned from their trip with NTA to West Timor and Flores.
Peter described the music festival and primary School children talent quest as the highlight of the trip. Peter will give a detailed presentation to members at a future meeting
Janelle Craig – Youth Service:
Janelle thanked all members for their support and encouragement at the Youth Night at last week’s meeting.
Janelle will attend the annual school awards presentation at West Pennant Hills Public School next Thursday 5 December and at CTHS on Wednesday 11 December.
Keith Ball will attend the annual school awards presentation at Cherrybrook Public School next Thursday 5 December
Max Henderson - Fundraising:
Next Mondays Kris Kringle meeting is a partner’s night and an attendance list was circulated at the meeting.
The Presidents Lunch will be held on 11 January at the Vanilla Cream Café at Annangrove and an attendance list was circulated at the meeting
Annual General Meeting:
Tony Makin chaired the Annual General Meeting;
The AGM started at 7.35pm
The AGM meeting ended at 8.05pm
Heads and Tails: was won by Angelo Casamento
Raffle: was won by Roslyn Savio
Night Reporter - Adrian
President Keith Ball: welcomed all to the meeting.
Later in the meeting, Keith informed all about the approach made by the Galston Rotary Club to merge with our club and he detailed various concerns of such a merger and described other options such as a Satellite Club. A detailed discussion followed where various pros and cons were presented by several members
George Chenouda will be inducted at next Monday night’s meeting
Directors Reports:
Tony Coote- Membership:
Several members will be attending the Christmas function at St Gabriel’s school next Wednesday 4 December
Neville Hansen – Community Service:
10 members have volunteered to work at the ARV BBQ which will be held on Thursday 12 Dec.
The Tree of Joy gift wrapping will be held at the Turnbull’s at 6.00pm on the 16th of December. Neville will send an email with details to all members.
Gift Wrapping at Cherrybrook Village will be on Thursday 19th December from 3pm to 6pm and on 20 & 21 December from 11am to 2pm. Neville will send an email with details to all members.
Peter Stanton – International service:
Peter and Paul have returned from their trip with NTA to West Timor and Flores.
Peter described the music festival and primary School children talent quest as the highlight of the trip. Peter will give a detailed presentation to members at a future meeting
Janelle Craig – Youth Service:
Janelle thanked all members for their support and encouragement at the Youth Night at last week’s meeting.
Janelle will attend the annual school awards presentation at West Pennant Hills Public School next Thursday 5 December and at CTHS on Wednesday 11 December.
Keith Ball will attend the annual school awards presentation at Cherrybrook Public School next Thursday 5 December
Max Henderson - Fundraising:
Next Mondays Kris Kringle meeting is a partner’s night and an attendance list was circulated at the meeting.
The Presidents Lunch will be held on 11 January at the Vanilla Cream Café at Annangrove and an attendance list was circulated at the meeting
Annual General Meeting:
Tony Makin chaired the Annual General Meeting;
The AGM started at 7.35pm
The AGM meeting ended at 8.05pm
Heads and Tails: was won by Angelo Casamento
Raffle: was won by Roslyn Savio
Night Reporter - Adrian
Rotary Club of West Pennant Hills & Cherrybrook
Minutes of Annual General Meeting held 2nd December 2019
at Springfield House, Dural
Secretary Tony Makin declared the AGM meeting open at 7.35pm.
Tony had issued the Notice of Meeting on 29th October 2019.
Apologies
Apologies were received from:
Rosemary Clarke, Jaswant Thakorlal, Colin Sharpe, Kerry Mann, Bill Mann and Colin McGowan.
Minutes of 2018 AGM
Minutes of 2018 AGM have been sent to all members by Tony Makin by email on 29th October 2019.
A motion that the minutes are a true reflection of that meeting was put by Tony Coote and seconded by Cawas Sahukar. All agreed.
There were no matters arising from these minutes to discuss.
Treasurers Report
A copy of both the 2019 Financial Report and the Audit Report YEJun2019 was sent to all members on 29th November 2019.
Paul Laroumanie presented the report to the meeting and noted:
- All funds are now invested in Bendigo Bank savings or general accounts.
- Paul thanked Felicity Donnelly for the audit and thanked Tony Coote and Bob Davison for their assistance and acting as reserve treasurer during the year.
There was a discussion on the deficit which Paul has identified was due to unpaid dinner fees. It was agreed that the process instituted by John Tchetchenian is the most efficient attendance reporting we can devise. However, some members are still failing to advise apologies in time or at all.
Keith Ball proposed a motion that offenders of the apology process should be asked to pay for the meal. Seconded by John Tchetchenian and passed.
The motion that the Treasurers Report be accepted was put by Jim Simpson and seconded by Keith Ball. Passed by a show of hands.
Election of Officers and Directors
The following persons nominated for Officer positions:
President Rosemary Clarke
President Elect Keith Ball
Secretary Tony Makin
Treasurer Paul Laroumanie
Since there was only one candidate for the positions of President Elect, Secretary and Treasurer, Tony declared the positions filled.
The following persons nominated for Director positions:
David Turnbull, Edwina Ruff, Colin Sharpe, Keith Ball, Peter Stanton, Tony Coote, Carol Russell, Janelle Craig
Since the number of nominations is less than the number of positions vacant Tony declared the above mentioned as elected. One position on the board remains unfilled.
General Business
Constitution and Club Bylaws
The Secretary had circulated draft copies of the Constitution and Bylaws to all members on 29th October 2019.
The changes to the Constitution and Bylaws are minor and reflect changes made by Rotary International.
A motion that the documents be adopted was put by Bob Davison and seconded by Peter Stanton. All agreed.
There were no other matters of general business.
Close
Tony declared the AGM closed at 8:05pm.
Tony Makin
Night Photos - there were none
Editor Note: Click on a photo to see a larger version.
This Week's Humour
Arrested!
"This is from an actual trial in the UK."_
A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her, she began feeling uncomfortable due to her condition. She changed her seat and the man seemed more amused. She moved again and the man laughed even more! She filed a court case against him.
But in court, the man's defence was : When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing that she was pregnant. She then sat under a movie ad which read "Coming Soon- The creature from Hell!" I was even more amused when she moved and sat under a female deoderant advertisement, which read : "The love stick did the trick"... Then I completely lost it when she moved a third time under an advert for tyres which read : "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident".
The case was dismissed because the judge fell off his chair laughing ! .
A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her, she began feeling uncomfortable due to her condition. She changed her seat and the man seemed more amused. She moved again and the man laughed even more! She filed a court case against him.
But in court, the man's defence was : When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing that she was pregnant. She then sat under a movie ad which read "Coming Soon- The creature from Hell!" I was even more amused when she moved and sat under a female deoderant advertisement, which read : "The love stick did the trick"... Then I completely lost it when she moved a third time under an advert for tyres which read : "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident".
The case was dismissed because the judge fell off his chair laughing ! .
Christmas Party - If only it wern't true
COMPANY MEMO
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 4, 2019.
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room
at the Grill House. It will be a fun end of year event for all
management and staff together.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't
be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among
employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over
$10 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
COMPANY MEMO
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 5, 2019.
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognise that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to
those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.
We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
COMPANY MEMO
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 6, 2019.
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name...
I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I
supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed
since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the
executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
COMPANY MEMO
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: November 7, 2019
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20thbegins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at
this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.
Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the
end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in
little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the
table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks
that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns
about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in
the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood
pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but
the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
COMPANY MEMO
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: November 8, 2019
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including
organic tomatoes.
But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice
them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have
a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
COMPANY MEMO
FROM: Joan Bishop, ACTING HUMAN RESOURCES DIRECTOR
DATE: November 9, 2019
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to
forward your cards to her at the asylum.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party
and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Whatever!
Joan.
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 4, 2019.
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room
at the Grill House. It will be a fun end of year event for all
management and staff together.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't
be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among
employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over
$10 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
COMPANY MEMO
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 5, 2019.
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognise that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to
those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.
We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
COMPANY MEMO
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 6, 2019.
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name...
I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I
supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed
since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the
executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
COMPANY MEMO
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: November 7, 2019
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20thbegins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at
this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.
Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the
end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in
little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the
table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks
that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns
about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in
the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood
pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but
the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
COMPANY MEMO
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: November 8, 2019
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including
organic tomatoes.
But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice
them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have
a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
COMPANY MEMO
FROM: Joan Bishop, ACTING HUMAN RESOURCES DIRECTOR
DATE: November 9, 2019
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to
forward your cards to her at the asylum.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party
and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Whatever!
Joan.
.... thanks Neville - let us know how it goes!
