The Next Meetings |
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Monday 23 January
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The speaker will be David Waterhouse who is a member of Clive’s new Rotary club (The Entrance). David has been doing work in Nepal for years under the Rotary RAWCS banner. He has been about 14 times, including building a hospital and earthquake relief.
David will be speaking on his experiences in Nepal. |
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Monday 30 January
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The speaker will be Paula Hammond who will be speaking about Foster Care Angels. Foster Care Angels is a 100% volunteer run, Sydney based charity, supporting children in Foster Care. See below for more detail.
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Monday 5 February
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Club Assembly
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Duty Roster
| Duty | Monday 23th January 2017 | Monday 30 January 2017 | Monday 6 February 2017 |
| Speaker Host | Tony Makin | Charlie McCartney | - |
| Night Reporter | Colin Baxter | Teresa Janowski | Colin McGowan |
| Front Desk | Tony Coote | Tony Coote | Bob Davison |
| Front Desk | Keith Ball | Ros Savio | Bernard Chandra |
| Steward | Neville Hansen | Tony Coote | Nick Chuah |
| Steward | Allan Paynter | Tom Westcott | Brian Furrer |
| IT Person | Nick Chuah | Andrew Little | Andrew Little |
| Photographer | Ross Ballinger | Peter Stanton | Ross Ballinger |
| Member Talk | Peter Stanton | Nick Chuah | Tom Westcott |
Inside This Issue |
Upcoming Events |
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Note: The above are "safe" links. They merely navigate within this page.
Club CalendarTake me to the Club Calendar
Note: This link goes to another page. At the bottom of that page is a link back to this page.
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Sunday 29 January
Tuesday 31 January |
Bunnings BBQ at Thornleigh
Major Projects Committee meeting at Barry Freeman's residence |
District Conference
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The District Conference will be held at the Penrith Panthers on Saturday 11th of March 2017.
Registrations at conferene2017.rotarydistrict9685.org.au For a video on the District Conference at the Penrith Panthers click the video arrow below |
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Latest Update On Amelia (our now returned outbound student in Switzerland)
Amelia returned to Sydney on Sunday 8th of January after 12 months in Switzerland. Below are some photos of her arrival & welcoming group.
Amelia will be making a short presentation on her time in Switzerland at the Youth Night on Monday 20 February.
Amelia will be making a short presentation on her time in Switzerland at the Youth Night on Monday 20 February.
Foster Care Angels
Foster Care Angels is a 100% volunteer run, Sydney based charity, supporting children in Foster Care. Below is a short video showing what they do.
2017 Book Sale
The 2017 book sale is fast approaching and it is time to start preparing!
This year the book sale has been postponed by a couple of weeks from the usual timing in late March to Friday 7 (9am to 5pm), Saturday 8 (9am to 5pm) and Sunday 11 (11am to 2pm) of April.
This is due to the fact that some of our key players will be overseas in February/March (namely me - Andrew) and April/May.
In order to make it easier on our backs, knees, hips, etc, we are ditching the conventional fruit boxes (which are also extremely difficult to source) and are moving to the Lifeline size cardboard box which is about 2/3 the size of the fruit box and will hence will limit the total lifting weight to around 10kg. This is why Lifeline went to this style & size of box in order to comply with OH&S requirements for their ever aging members!
These boxes come flat packed & are taped together as required. At the end of the book sale the tape will be cut & the box flat packed for storage.
The Church has agreed to let us run the book sale on the Sunday from 11am to 2pm when we will start the usual pack up routine.
This will provide an extra 3 hours on the Saturday and 3 hours on the Sunday, ie a total of 6 extra selling hours.
The 2016 book sale raised around $14,000 and we are aiming to better this in 2017.
To do this, we need help from ALL club members during the book sort days -
Saturday 25 February
Saturday 18 March
Tuesday 4 April
and during the sale itself from - Wednesday 5 to Sunday 9 April
The milestone dates for this year's book sale are as follows:
This year the book sale has been postponed by a couple of weeks from the usual timing in late March to Friday 7 (9am to 5pm), Saturday 8 (9am to 5pm) and Sunday 11 (11am to 2pm) of April.
This is due to the fact that some of our key players will be overseas in February/March (namely me - Andrew) and April/May.
In order to make it easier on our backs, knees, hips, etc, we are ditching the conventional fruit boxes (which are also extremely difficult to source) and are moving to the Lifeline size cardboard box which is about 2/3 the size of the fruit box and will hence will limit the total lifting weight to around 10kg. This is why Lifeline went to this style & size of box in order to comply with OH&S requirements for their ever aging members!
These boxes come flat packed & are taped together as required. At the end of the book sale the tape will be cut & the box flat packed for storage.
The Church has agreed to let us run the book sale on the Sunday from 11am to 2pm when we will start the usual pack up routine.
This will provide an extra 3 hours on the Saturday and 3 hours on the Sunday, ie a total of 6 extra selling hours.
The 2016 book sale raised around $14,000 and we are aiming to better this in 2017.
To do this, we need help from ALL club members during the book sort days -
Saturday 25 February
Saturday 18 March
Tuesday 4 April
and during the sale itself from - Wednesday 5 to Sunday 9 April
The milestone dates for this year's book sale are as follows:
| 2017 Book Sale Committee Meetings | |
| First Book Sale Committee Meeting | Wed 1 Feb 17 |
| Second Book Sale Committee Meeting | Wed 1 Mar 17 |
| Third Book Sale Committee Meeting | Wed 29 Mar 17 |
| 2017 Book Sale Schedule | |
| Banners & Flyers out | Sat 25 Feb 17 |
| First Major Sort | Sat 18 Mar 17 |
| Second Major Sort | Sat 25 Mar 17 |
| Third Major Sort & Set Up Table Layout | Tue 4 Apr 17 |
| Continue to set up tables, boxes and signs | Wed 5 Apr 17 |
| Fine Tune Layout, etc | Thur 6 Apr 17 |
| Book Sale | Fri 7 Apr 17 |
| Book Sale | Sat 8 Apr 17 |
| Book Sale & Clean Up | Sun 9 Apr 17 |
| Book Sale Dinner | Sun 9 Apr 17 |
Camp Quality Letter of Thanks For Tree of Joy Presents
Taldumande Letter of Thanks & Appreciation Certificate
Rotaract Christmas Card
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Club's Child Protection Manual
Fellows
Attached to this email is the Club's Child Protection Manual, agreed to by the Board, that we are required to have by law. You are encouraged to become familiar with the requirements as stated in the manual.
As you would know by now this is a serious matter for all clubs and associations that work with children as part of their regular operations. This club has a big focus on youth with a significant amount put aside each year for our youth activities so it is an important issue for us. All members should by now have their working with children clearance, or be in the process of obtaining same. If any member is having problems with their applications please let me know.
The manual will be uploaded to our website (click here) and any future changes will be made to the website version. You will be advised when these occur.
Jim Simpson
Secretary
Attached to this email is the Club's Child Protection Manual, agreed to by the Board, that we are required to have by law. You are encouraged to become familiar with the requirements as stated in the manual.
As you would know by now this is a serious matter for all clubs and associations that work with children as part of their regular operations. This club has a big focus on youth with a significant amount put aside each year for our youth activities so it is an important issue for us. All members should by now have their working with children clearance, or be in the process of obtaining same. If any member is having problems with their applications please let me know.
The manual will be uploaded to our website (click here) and any future changes will be made to the website version. You will be advised when these occur.
Jim Simpson
Secretary
More Rotary GraphicsSome more Rotary graphics. These images can be downloaded by right clicking and saving.
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Significant Club fundraising events during the year
The Book Sale March 2016. As the result of a lot of hard work the March book fair which was a great success, especially from the organisers Max Henderson, Andrew Little and Clive Denmark. Funds raised were $14,000. Well done.
The Trivia Night
The Club held a very successful trivia night on Saturday 27 August 2016 at the Cherrybrook Community Centre, raising just over $5,000 towards the charities we support.
The Club held a very successful trivia night on Saturday 27 August 2016 at the Cherrybrook Community Centre, raising just over $5,000 towards the charities we support.
The Garage Sale
We have just had a very successful Garage Sale on the weekend of 8/9 October raising a record gross of over $30k. The combination of good planning and benign weather contributed to this result.
We have just had a very successful Garage Sale on the weekend of 8/9 October raising a record gross of over $30k. The combination of good planning and benign weather contributed to this result.
Barbecues
The club runs fund raising barbecues throughout the year, mainly at Bunnings (both Dural and Thornleigh) Here are Barry, Tony, Nick and David hard at work. at Thornleigh..
The club runs fund raising barbecues throughout the year, mainly at Bunnings (both Dural and Thornleigh) Here are Barry, Tony, Nick and David hard at work. at Thornleigh..
Meetings
:Monday 6:30pm for 7:00pm - Springfield House - 245 New Line Road, Dural.
Apologies
If you are unable to attend or are bringing a guest (even if they are your partner) you must notify Jilda. Phone 9439 1422 or email [email protected] before 11am on the day of the meeting.
If you are expected and do not show you may be required to pay for the meal.
President's Report 16th January 2017
From President Elect Colin Sharpe standing in for President Rosemary Clarke.
It was a great turnout for our first meeting of 2017 with 32 attending. January is Rotary Awareness Month. More will be said about that at the next meeting.
Anna Laroumanie was farewelled to Japan. We heard about Steve Baker’s hardship posting to Samoa as manager of Westpac Bank. Jan Duffy spoke about the lack of interest in District Conference. The one day conference was an attempt to keep costs low, but it is now accepted as a failure.
The Bunnings BBQ team was thanked for their efforts.
A Certificate of appreciation for Tree of Joy presents was received from Camp Quality and read to members.
A certificate of appreciation was received from the chair and CEO of Taldumande for our support to their Youth Services Christmas Appeal.
A Christmas card was received from the Hills Rotaract expressing their appreciation for our support and advice throughout the year.
Members were encouraged to attend a Rotary Leadership Course,
Members were reminded to ask their partners to respond to Jeanette Roberts regarding attendance at the partners Champaign tasting evening ono February 6th.
Barry did his usual professional job of running the meeting.
As we enter the second half of this Rotary year it is worth reflecting on John F Germs Presidential message for January 2017
As we enter 2017, we also enter the second year of the initiative known as the United Nations Sustainable Development Goals.
These goals, usually referred to as the SDGs, pertain to a list of 17 areas where the people of the world can come together to address our most pressing economic, political, and social challenges. It is a hugely ambitious list, and it has to be. The ultimate aim of these goals is nothing less than peace, prosperity, security, and equality for all of humanity.
How do you even begin to tackle such a project? At Rotary, our answer is simple: one step at a time. These goals are nothing new for Rotary: They're already reflected in our areas of focus. We also understand that all of these 17 goals, just like our six areas of focus, are interrelated. You can't have good health without clean water. You can't have clean water without good sanitation. Good sanitation in turn helps keep children in school, which improves education, which improves economic prosperity and health. When you are talking about the advancement of an entire planet, no one indicator, no one goal, no one country, exists in isolation. To make real and lasting progress, we must all move forward together.
The idea of sustainability is key to the SDGs – and to our service in Rotary. Sustainability simply means making progress that will endure. It means not just digging a well, but being sure that a community can maintain it. It means not just running a health camp for a week, but training local health workers. It means empowering families and communities to take charge of their own futures by giving them the tools they need to succeed.
Sustainability has always been at the heart of our thinking in Rotary. We've been around for nearly 112 years and intend to be around for many more. We've already seen the difference our work has made: in health, in education, in water and sanitation, and of course in our efforts to end polio.
Polio eradication is the ultimate in sustainable service: a project that, once completed, will benefit the world forever. And those benefits will go far beyond the eradication of a single human disease. The estimated cost savings we will see once polio is eradicated are about $1 billion per year. That is money that can be returned to public health budgets and directed to other pressing needs, carrying the good work of today forward for many healthier tomorrows.
Regards
Colin
It was a great turnout for our first meeting of 2017 with 32 attending. January is Rotary Awareness Month. More will be said about that at the next meeting.
Anna Laroumanie was farewelled to Japan. We heard about Steve Baker’s hardship posting to Samoa as manager of Westpac Bank. Jan Duffy spoke about the lack of interest in District Conference. The one day conference was an attempt to keep costs low, but it is now accepted as a failure.
The Bunnings BBQ team was thanked for their efforts.
A Certificate of appreciation for Tree of Joy presents was received from Camp Quality and read to members.
A certificate of appreciation was received from the chair and CEO of Taldumande for our support to their Youth Services Christmas Appeal.
A Christmas card was received from the Hills Rotaract expressing their appreciation for our support and advice throughout the year.
Members were encouraged to attend a Rotary Leadership Course,
Members were reminded to ask their partners to respond to Jeanette Roberts regarding attendance at the partners Champaign tasting evening ono February 6th.
Barry did his usual professional job of running the meeting.
As we enter the second half of this Rotary year it is worth reflecting on John F Germs Presidential message for January 2017
As we enter 2017, we also enter the second year of the initiative known as the United Nations Sustainable Development Goals.
These goals, usually referred to as the SDGs, pertain to a list of 17 areas where the people of the world can come together to address our most pressing economic, political, and social challenges. It is a hugely ambitious list, and it has to be. The ultimate aim of these goals is nothing less than peace, prosperity, security, and equality for all of humanity.
How do you even begin to tackle such a project? At Rotary, our answer is simple: one step at a time. These goals are nothing new for Rotary: They're already reflected in our areas of focus. We also understand that all of these 17 goals, just like our six areas of focus, are interrelated. You can't have good health without clean water. You can't have clean water without good sanitation. Good sanitation in turn helps keep children in school, which improves education, which improves economic prosperity and health. When you are talking about the advancement of an entire planet, no one indicator, no one goal, no one country, exists in isolation. To make real and lasting progress, we must all move forward together.
The idea of sustainability is key to the SDGs – and to our service in Rotary. Sustainability simply means making progress that will endure. It means not just digging a well, but being sure that a community can maintain it. It means not just running a health camp for a week, but training local health workers. It means empowering families and communities to take charge of their own futures by giving them the tools they need to succeed.
Sustainability has always been at the heart of our thinking in Rotary. We've been around for nearly 112 years and intend to be around for many more. We've already seen the difference our work has made: in health, in education, in water and sanitation, and of course in our efforts to end polio.
Polio eradication is the ultimate in sustainable service: a project that, once completed, will benefit the world forever. And those benefits will go far beyond the eradication of a single human disease. The estimated cost savings we will see once polio is eradicated are about $1 billion per year. That is money that can be returned to public health budgets and directed to other pressing needs, carrying the good work of today forward for many healthier tomorrows.
Regards
Colin
Night Report 16th January 2017
Sargeant Barry Freeman welcomed everyone back to 2017.
ADG Jan Duffy in attendance and was welcomed.
Mention was made of the great Presidents Lunch held at Rosemary and Robs place early in Janaury to get the year started.
Colin Sharpe Vice President sat in for Rosemary who is away on holidays…
This is Anna’s last meeting with us before she leaves for her exchange in Japan.
Sarah gave us a run down of the things she had been doing during the holidays and since we last met. She mentioned the fact that it was hot and sunny on Christmas day, quite unlike where she is from and that we celebrate on 25th whereas at home 24th is Christmas day.
Ian Roberts gave us a rundown of the BBQ at Dural early in January, the day started out slowly but picked up later on and managed to take $920 for the day. He thanked David Turnbull, Andrew Little, Janelle Craig, Keith Ball and Brian Furrer, also Amelia Craig for coming along and assisting.
It was noted that a quantity of sausages which had been stored had to be destroyed due to rules around food storage noting that 1 month is the maximum allowed.
Volunteers called for next BBQ on 29th January, 2017.
ADG Jan Duffy spoke on the upcoming conference and invited more of us to attend. They were disappointed in registration numbers to date..
Brian Furrer spoke of the Tree of Joy and passed on best wishes and thanks received from the various charities we supported this year.. Some of the cards sent by people were read out. Kids were enjoying their gifts. Taldamunde also thanked the club for their support throughout the year.
Brian spoke of the great success of the Tree of Joy this year and the fact that there were over 1,000 gifts. Gifts can no longer be wrapped by donors, and with that amount of gifts it was a huge job organizing them for distribution to the charities…He sincerely thanked the Tree of Joy Committee and all those who came along on the evening to help with the preparation for distribution.
Mention was made of Rotary leadership courses running again over 3 Sundays coming up soon, highly recommended and you will all have received emails with details of when and where.
The Book Fair… Andrew Little mentioned that there will be changes to the date of the Book Fair It will now be held in April this year. Friday 7th / Saturday 8th and this year on - Sunday 9th of April from 11am till 2pm.
He mentioned committee meetings of the book fair, scheduled for 1st Feb, 1st March and 29th March. Banners are being updated and will be placed around the suburbs in due course.
David Turnbull announced that he will no longer be working as a director of his own company and will be taking on a role as an “Employee” going forward, he has been self employed for almost 50 years and this new role as an employee is a brand new experience for him.!! We wish him well and await his impressions after a few months in this role He advised he will let us know of new email addresses etc. as soon as possible.
Steve Baker, our club member was speaker for the evening.. He told us about his experiences of living and working in Samoa for many years as General Manager of Westpac Bank. He showed us pictures of the islands and of himself as a Big Chief!! This is a highly honoured position to be bestowed on anyone, especially a non Samoan person.
Savai is a beautiful place and his speech was very insightful as to life in Samoa.
Charlie won the wine raffle.
Ricardo won the wine for Heads and Tails.
Meeting concluded at 8.50 pm.
Ricardo Raad - Night Reporter
ADG Jan Duffy in attendance and was welcomed.
Mention was made of the great Presidents Lunch held at Rosemary and Robs place early in Janaury to get the year started.
Colin Sharpe Vice President sat in for Rosemary who is away on holidays…
This is Anna’s last meeting with us before she leaves for her exchange in Japan.
Sarah gave us a run down of the things she had been doing during the holidays and since we last met. She mentioned the fact that it was hot and sunny on Christmas day, quite unlike where she is from and that we celebrate on 25th whereas at home 24th is Christmas day.
Ian Roberts gave us a rundown of the BBQ at Dural early in January, the day started out slowly but picked up later on and managed to take $920 for the day. He thanked David Turnbull, Andrew Little, Janelle Craig, Keith Ball and Brian Furrer, also Amelia Craig for coming along and assisting.
It was noted that a quantity of sausages which had been stored had to be destroyed due to rules around food storage noting that 1 month is the maximum allowed.
Volunteers called for next BBQ on 29th January, 2017.
ADG Jan Duffy spoke on the upcoming conference and invited more of us to attend. They were disappointed in registration numbers to date..
Brian Furrer spoke of the Tree of Joy and passed on best wishes and thanks received from the various charities we supported this year.. Some of the cards sent by people were read out. Kids were enjoying their gifts. Taldamunde also thanked the club for their support throughout the year.
Brian spoke of the great success of the Tree of Joy this year and the fact that there were over 1,000 gifts. Gifts can no longer be wrapped by donors, and with that amount of gifts it was a huge job organizing them for distribution to the charities…He sincerely thanked the Tree of Joy Committee and all those who came along on the evening to help with the preparation for distribution.
Mention was made of Rotary leadership courses running again over 3 Sundays coming up soon, highly recommended and you will all have received emails with details of when and where.
The Book Fair… Andrew Little mentioned that there will be changes to the date of the Book Fair It will now be held in April this year. Friday 7th / Saturday 8th and this year on - Sunday 9th of April from 11am till 2pm.
He mentioned committee meetings of the book fair, scheduled for 1st Feb, 1st March and 29th March. Banners are being updated and will be placed around the suburbs in due course.
David Turnbull announced that he will no longer be working as a director of his own company and will be taking on a role as an “Employee” going forward, he has been self employed for almost 50 years and this new role as an employee is a brand new experience for him.!! We wish him well and await his impressions after a few months in this role He advised he will let us know of new email addresses etc. as soon as possible.
Steve Baker, our club member was speaker for the evening.. He told us about his experiences of living and working in Samoa for many years as General Manager of Westpac Bank. He showed us pictures of the islands and of himself as a Big Chief!! This is a highly honoured position to be bestowed on anyone, especially a non Samoan person.
Savai is a beautiful place and his speech was very insightful as to life in Samoa.
Charlie won the wine raffle.
Ricardo won the wine for Heads and Tails.
Meeting concluded at 8.50 pm.
Ricardo Raad - Night Reporter
Night Photos - Peter Stanton
Editor: Click on any photo to see a larger display
Birthdays
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Tony Coote 17 Jan
Margaret McGowan 17 Jan |
Anniversaries
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None
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This Week's Humour
From Jim
Number One.
"I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre in Brisbane. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and, at the end of the conversation, happened to mention that she had given her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away".
Number Two.
Some Boeing employees on the airfield in Sydney decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Number Three.
A man, wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland, walked into the Branch and wrote ';Put all ya muny in this beeg.' While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank and crossed the street to the NAB Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the Harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go back to Bank of Queensland. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of Queensland.
Happened in Brisbane.
Number Four.
A guy walked into a little corner store in Cairns with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.'
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's licence out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she got off the licence. They arrested the robber two hours later.
Number Five.
A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, 'Nobody move !'
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
Happened in Adelaide
Number Six.
A guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The brick bounced back knocking him unconscious.
It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
Happened in Perth WA.
Number seven.
"My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg."
Happened in Surfer's Paradise.
Number eight.
"I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded. "That's why we ask."
Happened in Melbourne ..
Number nine.
"When my husband and I arrived at a car dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open !'
His reply, 'I know - I already done that side.'
Happened at the FORD dealership, Dubbo
Number One.
"I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre in Brisbane. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and, at the end of the conversation, happened to mention that she had given her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away".
Number Two.
Some Boeing employees on the airfield in Sydney decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Number Three.
A man, wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland, walked into the Branch and wrote ';Put all ya muny in this beeg.' While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank and crossed the street to the NAB Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the Harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go back to Bank of Queensland. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of Queensland.
Happened in Brisbane.
Number Four.
A guy walked into a little corner store in Cairns with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.'
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's licence out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she got off the licence. They arrested the robber two hours later.
Number Five.
A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, 'Nobody move !'
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
Happened in Adelaide
Number Six.
A guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The brick bounced back knocking him unconscious.
It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
Happened in Perth WA.
Number seven.
"My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg."
Happened in Surfer's Paradise.
Number eight.
"I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded. "That's why we ask."
Happened in Melbourne ..
Number nine.
"When my husband and I arrived at a car dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open !'
His reply, 'I know - I already done that side.'
Happened at the FORD dealership, Dubbo
Subject: WALKING ON THE GRASS (from David)
The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" said the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right, if she carries a golf bag?”
This level of sensitivity can't be taught.
The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" said the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right, if she carries a golf bag?”
This level of sensitivity can't be taught.
Club Calendar
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Bulletin Editor - Andrew Little
