Monday 19th February
Monday 26th February
Monday 5th March
Duty Roster
If you are unable to be at the meeting please contact the person doing your role the following week/s, arrange a swap and advise Max, so he can amend his records.
Inside This Issue |
Upcoming Events |
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24th February
3rd March
13th March
20th March
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Book Sale - First Major Book sort
Note change of date Book Sale - Second Major Book Sort
Book Sale - Third Major Book sort
St Gabriel's School Outdoor Learning Area Project
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Club Calendar
Take me to the Club Calendar
Note: This link goes to another page. At the bottom of that page is a link back to this page.
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District Welcome Home Dinner - 9th February
St Gabriel's School Outdoor Learning Area Project
Hi Everyone,
We finally have the go-ahead from Brenden Jones at St Gabriel's School to erect and install the shed we purchased recently, and also paint the shade sail posts that Tom installed a week or so ago.
The tentative date I have agreed with Brenden Jones is Tuesday 20th February. We will start at 7AM so as to avoid the worst of the heat. I will provide all the necessary tools and equipment to complete the work. But if you can bring along your own hand tools - Screwdrivers, socket wrench set and ladder that will help.
Please be sure to bring hat and sun screen.
St Gabriels have generously agreed to provide us with some morning tea and sandwiches for lunch.
We need 5 people for the day to complete the work. Can you please confirm your availability?
Tony C
We finally have the go-ahead from Brenden Jones at St Gabriel's School to erect and install the shed we purchased recently, and also paint the shade sail posts that Tom installed a week or so ago.
The tentative date I have agreed with Brenden Jones is Tuesday 20th February. We will start at 7AM so as to avoid the worst of the heat. I will provide all the necessary tools and equipment to complete the work. But if you can bring along your own hand tools - Screwdrivers, socket wrench set and ladder that will help.
Please be sure to bring hat and sun screen.
St Gabriels have generously agreed to provide us with some morning tea and sandwiches for lunch.
We need 5 people for the day to complete the work. Can you please confirm your availability?
Tony C
Book Sale Update
Dear All
As discussed at last night’s meeting, the first book sort has been postponed from Saturday 17th to Saturday 24th February.
Nine book sale banners were put up today thanks to Max Henderson , Neville Hansen, Peter Stanton, Peter Cleary & Tony Makin.
The revised book sale schedule is below.
I have also attached the final version of the book sale banner & if you could print some & hand them to neighbours & friends, that would be appreciated. We need to get as much publicity as we can!
Please also let me know if you can come & help sort books on the book sort days as we also need as much help as we can get, either be emailing me directly or filling in the lists at the Monday night meetings (if you haven’t already).
I have attached the attendance lists for the whole of the book sort schedule so that you can see days & times.
Whilst the days have been spilt into a “morning” shift (9am to 12.30pm) & an “afternoon” shift (1pm to 4.30pm), we really need helpers to attend the three main sort days for the whole day.
As per previous book sale years, morning tea and lunch will be provided!
Regards
Andrew
As discussed at last night’s meeting, the first book sort has been postponed from Saturday 17th to Saturday 24th February.
Nine book sale banners were put up today thanks to Max Henderson , Neville Hansen, Peter Stanton, Peter Cleary & Tony Makin.
The revised book sale schedule is below.
I have also attached the final version of the book sale banner & if you could print some & hand them to neighbours & friends, that would be appreciated. We need to get as much publicity as we can!
Please also let me know if you can come & help sort books on the book sort days as we also need as much help as we can get, either be emailing me directly or filling in the lists at the Monday night meetings (if you haven’t already).
I have attached the attendance lists for the whole of the book sort schedule so that you can see days & times.
Whilst the days have been spilt into a “morning” shift (9am to 12.30pm) & an “afternoon” shift (1pm to 4.30pm), we really need helpers to attend the three main sort days for the whole day.
As per previous book sale years, morning tea and lunch will be provided!
Regards
Andrew
Editor: To download the attendance lists click on 2018 Book Sale Attendance.
Apologies if the following offends but history has shown that these next "helpful hints" are necessary:
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February is Peace and Conflict Prevention/Resolution Month
Conflict and violence displace millions of people each year. Half of those killed in conflict are children, and 90 percent are civilians.
We refuse to accept conflict as a way of life. Rotary projects provide training that fosters understanding and provides communities with the skills to resolve conflicts.
Through our service projects, peace fellowships, and scholarships, our members are taking action to address the underlying causes of conflict, including poverty, inequality, ethnic tension, lack of access to education, and unequal distribution of resources.
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PREVENT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
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TRAINING
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IN ACTION
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Australia Rotary clubs raise awareness and funds to prevent domestic violence and support its victims.
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We help leaders learn how to prevent and mediate conflict.
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Rotary supports peacebuilding in communities and regions affected by conflict.
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REBUILD LIVES
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EDUCATE REFUGEES
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EMPOWER YOUTH
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Canada Rotary club helping refugees from Syria start new lives.
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A university president and Rotary club fight Boko Haram to educate refugees in Nigeria.
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Young people from Rio de Janeiro’s infamous favelas find an outlet for their energy – and a chance at Olympic gold – through Rotary.
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Breaking News ...
On 26th February three new members are to be inducted ...
Wanted - New Members
If you know of someone who would benefit from Rotary, or, from whom Rotary would benefit if they were a member, then contact Keith.
Click here for a PDF copy of the form to the right, and send or give it to Keith.
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Significant Club fundraising events during the year

The Book Sale March 2017. As the result of a lot of hard work the April Book Sale was a great success, especially from the organisers Max Henderson, Andrew Little and Clive Denmark. Funds raised were circa $13,000. Well done.

2017 Trivia Night
The Club held a very successful trivia night on Saturday 26 August 20167at the Cherrybrook Community Centre, raising just over $5,000 towards the charities we support.
The Club held a very successful trivia night on Saturday 26 August 20167at the Cherrybrook Community Centre, raising just over $5,000 towards the charities we support.

The Garage Sale
We have just had our best and most successful Garage Sale on the weekend of 7&8 October raising a record gross - north of $35k.
Excellent Project Management and a large number of dedicated volunteers, some putting in hours of effort, in the weeks before the weekend contributed to this result.
We have just had our best and most successful Garage Sale on the weekend of 7&8 October raising a record gross - north of $35k.
Excellent Project Management and a large number of dedicated volunteers, some putting in hours of effort, in the weeks before the weekend contributed to this result.

Barbecues
The club runs fund raising barbecues throughout the year, mainly at Bunnings (both Dural and Thornleigh) Here are Barry, Tony, Nick and David hard at work. at Thornleigh..
The club runs fund raising barbecues throughout the year, mainly at Bunnings (both Dural and Thornleigh) Here are Barry, Tony, Nick and David hard at work. at Thornleigh..
Meetings
Monday 6:30pm for 7:00pm - Springfield House - 245 New Line Road, Dural 2158
Apologies
If you are unable to attend or are bringing a guest (even if they are your partner) you must notify Carol.
Phone 8850 6515 or email [email protected] before 11am on the day of the meeting.
Phone 8850 6515 or email [email protected] before 11am on the day of the meeting.
If you are expected and do not show you will be required to pay for the meal.
President's Report 12th February
President’s Report
Thank you to all Members and Guests for a fabulous meeting, this evening. Although there were only 27 of us in attendance, the atmosphere was full of energy, especially during the Sergeant’s session. Thank you, Ricardo, for your great effort to part many of us from a few dollars!! Business Items Please do volunteer, where possible, with all efforts leading up to the Book Sale. We have been running a little late with preparations, but all is now full steam ahead. Some of you have volunteered to help with the erecting of promotional banners. These will be up by close of business on Tuesday 13th February. Emails will be sent out to local schools, requesting their assistance with publishing the flyers in their Newsletters. Guest Speaker Doctor Don Dingsdag gave a great presentation on Defibrillators such are found in large businesses, some community centres and shopping centres. It was a very interactive session, with many questions asked and answered. Don would be quite keen to assist us with further information, should we choose to explore opportunities to support our local community with the installation of a quality and highly recommended brand of Defibrillator. Overall, I feel that tonight’s meeting ran really well. It was as Fellowship should be, partly serious but with much banter, laughter and providing us all with ‘food for thought’. Next week – Youth Night Please be reminded about Youth Night next week. It will be a fantastic night, with wonderful young speakers. Please invite your Partners to join us for this wonderful event. Thank you all for receiving me so well, as a ‘stand-in’ for President Colin Sharpe. May your week ahead be filled with joy, love and kindness. Your President Elect Charlie McCartney |
Night Report
Opening: Sergeant Ric opened the meeting and called on Barry and Bernard respectively for Grace and the Loyal Toast.
Acting President Charlotte McCartney welcomed all members and guests and particularly our Guest Speaker Dr Don Dingsdag, an occupational health and safety consultant. Other notables included Jaswant Thakorlal (new member pending), Steve Baker, Brian Furrer and of course our very own and special exchange student, Larissa.
Reports:
Rosemary Clarke - Youth. Youth night reminder for next Monday night. Partners Night. Some great speakers. It will be a big night.
Peter Stanton – International. The Disaster Aid Australia Board met last week and discussed the Clean Water project in the Philippines that Peter visited and reported on. In respect of the part that we would play the Board has taken a different position to that previously represented. Peter has a face to face meeting lined up to sort out.
Tony Coote – Next Big Thing project part thereof. A working party at St Gabriel’s School has been organised for next Tuesday (20th). Shed to be erected and shade sail poles painted.
Barry Freeman – Vocational. 5-6 members have been lined up to give their 5minute talk. On May 21 our meeting will be held at the Hornsby PCYC (Police Citizens Youth Club).
Max Henderson. Social. Ideas are wanted in respect of the venue for next year’s Christmas party.
Andrew Little and Max Henderson – Book Sale. Banners were going up on Tuesday 13th Feb. The proposed date of the first book sort has been rescheduled back one week to Saturday 24th. It will be done in the underground carpark of the Cherrybrook Uniting Church (where we have our book sale). A sheet was circulated asking for members to indicate their availability for this event. The Saturday sort will be in two shifts 9-12.30 and 1-4.30. Andrew emphasised two points:
1. They really need members to put in a whole day because they are down on numbers this year. (Invite a friend to help?)
2. The second shift is critical and they need maximum numbers to stay to the finish so as to assist putting things away.
Brian Furrer – Tree of Joy. Brian represented the Club at a morning tea thank you party organised by Wesley Mission (a major recipient from the tree). A certificate was presented to the Club and Brian spoke on our behalf. Our tree provided gifts for 81% of the children’s wish list labels they provided to us which was an exceptional response rate (over 400 gifts). Other organisations were also involved in the morning tea which topped it up including the Rotary Club of Thornleigh (80 gifts) and Hornsby Men’s Shed who made some items including billy carts. Brian said those organisations who took the time to individually write up each recipients label received the highest take up rate (from people selecting that label/card from the tree) and those organisations who did poor write ups (same write up for multiple labels/cards ie copy and paste), received the poorest take up rate. Brian found the Wesley morning tea function feedback very satisfying and was moved by the reports from foster carers and support staff who were involved. In all last year the club received 1,165 gift request labels from all submitting organisations and 812 of those were fulfilled. This was an exceptional take up considering the number of requests.
Larissa - Exchange student from Brazil. Larissa reported that she had a “quiet week”. She attended school every day and went to an exchange students Welcome dinner on Friday night. Larissa thanked everybody for being so nice to her and helping her, especially her host dad John Tchetchenian.
Guest Speaker – Dr Don Dingsdag, Occupational Health and Safety Consultant and Chair, Cardiac Arrest Survival Foundation.
The bullet points from Dr Dingsdag’s power point presentation is separately shown at the end of this Report. The Night Reporters recollection of the main points is bullet pointed below.
Sergeant at Arm’s – With enthusiasm and gusto Sgt Ric fined as many members as he could.
Heads and Tails Winner – Bernard Chandra
Colin McGowan
Night Reporter 13th February 2018
Dr Dingsdag Power Point presentation included the following points:
Why do our communities need access to working defibrillators?
Acting President Charlotte McCartney welcomed all members and guests and particularly our Guest Speaker Dr Don Dingsdag, an occupational health and safety consultant. Other notables included Jaswant Thakorlal (new member pending), Steve Baker, Brian Furrer and of course our very own and special exchange student, Larissa.
Reports:
Rosemary Clarke - Youth. Youth night reminder for next Monday night. Partners Night. Some great speakers. It will be a big night.
Peter Stanton – International. The Disaster Aid Australia Board met last week and discussed the Clean Water project in the Philippines that Peter visited and reported on. In respect of the part that we would play the Board has taken a different position to that previously represented. Peter has a face to face meeting lined up to sort out.
Tony Coote – Next Big Thing project part thereof. A working party at St Gabriel’s School has been organised for next Tuesday (20th). Shed to be erected and shade sail poles painted.
Barry Freeman – Vocational. 5-6 members have been lined up to give their 5minute talk. On May 21 our meeting will be held at the Hornsby PCYC (Police Citizens Youth Club).
Max Henderson. Social. Ideas are wanted in respect of the venue for next year’s Christmas party.
Andrew Little and Max Henderson – Book Sale. Banners were going up on Tuesday 13th Feb. The proposed date of the first book sort has been rescheduled back one week to Saturday 24th. It will be done in the underground carpark of the Cherrybrook Uniting Church (where we have our book sale). A sheet was circulated asking for members to indicate their availability for this event. The Saturday sort will be in two shifts 9-12.30 and 1-4.30. Andrew emphasised two points:
1. They really need members to put in a whole day because they are down on numbers this year. (Invite a friend to help?)
2. The second shift is critical and they need maximum numbers to stay to the finish so as to assist putting things away.
Brian Furrer – Tree of Joy. Brian represented the Club at a morning tea thank you party organised by Wesley Mission (a major recipient from the tree). A certificate was presented to the Club and Brian spoke on our behalf. Our tree provided gifts for 81% of the children’s wish list labels they provided to us which was an exceptional response rate (over 400 gifts). Other organisations were also involved in the morning tea which topped it up including the Rotary Club of Thornleigh (80 gifts) and Hornsby Men’s Shed who made some items including billy carts. Brian said those organisations who took the time to individually write up each recipients label received the highest take up rate (from people selecting that label/card from the tree) and those organisations who did poor write ups (same write up for multiple labels/cards ie copy and paste), received the poorest take up rate. Brian found the Wesley morning tea function feedback very satisfying and was moved by the reports from foster carers and support staff who were involved. In all last year the club received 1,165 gift request labels from all submitting organisations and 812 of those were fulfilled. This was an exceptional take up considering the number of requests.
Larissa - Exchange student from Brazil. Larissa reported that she had a “quiet week”. She attended school every day and went to an exchange students Welcome dinner on Friday night. Larissa thanked everybody for being so nice to her and helping her, especially her host dad John Tchetchenian.
Guest Speaker – Dr Don Dingsdag, Occupational Health and Safety Consultant and Chair, Cardiac Arrest Survival Foundation.
The bullet points from Dr Dingsdag’s power point presentation is separately shown at the end of this Report. The Night Reporters recollection of the main points is bullet pointed below.
- A defibrillator is an electrical device that provides a shock to the heart when there is a life-threatening arrhythmia present (ie the heart is fibrillating/has rapid erratic beating). This resets the heart back to a natural rhythm.
- Defibrillators are easy to use. The device gives step by step instruction when turned on. (Several members have recently done a first aid course and can attest to their ease of use).
- Defibrillation should be commenced within 10 minutes of a person having a cardiac arrest. Don’t wait for an ambulance to attend to it because average wait time is more than 10 minutes.
- If the heart stops beating completely and blood stops flowing, the brain starts to lose its oxygen supply and you can die within 5-6 minutes.
- CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) can help maintain the flow of oxygen to the brain, but getting the heart restarted and working normally often requires defibrillation with an electric shock.
- A defibrillators internal computer will not permit it to provide a shock to the heart if the heart has stopped beating or if the person is conscious or if they have a pulse. It will only work when there has been a cardiac arrest and the heart is still fibrillating.
- Defibrillators (they about the size of a globite school bag) cost $1500 for an unreliable one, $3500-$4000 for a decent one and a considerable more for one that has remote monitoring.
- Defibrillators that don’t have remote monitoring need to be checked every day to ensure they are working properly.
- A fully monitored one is the most feasible type for use in a community area. The daily check is done remotely and for security reasons it records the person who removes it. Theft rates are very low for the fully monitored ones and quiet high for the stand-alone ones.
- Fully monitored ones however require an ongoing financial commitment for their maintenance and monitoring. There are instances where the capital cost has been met by a “sponsor” (ie a Club) and the ongoing maintenance by the entity using the device (eg a shopping centre).
Sergeant at Arm’s – With enthusiasm and gusto Sgt Ric fined as many members as he could.
Heads and Tails Winner – Bernard Chandra
Colin McGowan
Night Reporter 13th February 2018
Dr Dingsdag Power Point presentation included the following points:
Why do our communities need access to working defibrillators?
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Night Photos
Editors Note: Click on a photo for a larger view.
Click to set custom HTML
This Week's Humour
The Importance of Spelling ...
Not even the spell check can help this one out:
Let me tell you that one simple spelling mistake - even a typo - can
make your life hell.
I recently penned a short, romantic note to my wife while I was away on
a fishing trip, and I missed one small "e". No problem you might say.
Not so.
This tiny error has caused me to seek Police protection to
enter my own house.
I wrote, "Hi darling, I'm enjoying and experiencing the best time of my
whole life, and I wish you were her!"
Let me tell you that one simple spelling mistake - even a typo - can
make your life hell.
I recently penned a short, romantic note to my wife while I was away on
a fishing trip, and I missed one small "e". No problem you might say.
Not so.
This tiny error has caused me to seek Police protection to
enter my own house.
I wrote, "Hi darling, I'm enjoying and experiencing the best time of my
whole life, and I wish you were her!"
Jim
Management Tips
For those of you who still work or for those of us who don't , we can all learn from this short management lesson
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800. to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800. and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800. he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand.. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800. to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800. and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800. he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand.. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Barry
HOW THE INTERNET STARTED, ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE
Please do not Google or check this with Snopes. They will lie to you. Trust me!
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to the People (HTTP).
And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drum heads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.
Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.
It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).
That is how it all began. And that's the truth.
I would not make up this stuff.
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to the People (HTTP).
And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drum heads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.
Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.
It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).
That is how it all began. And that's the truth.
I would not make up this stuff.
Jim
Joke Bank content is 11 jokes.
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