The Next Meetings |
|
Monday 2nd October - Public Holiday
Monday 9th October - No meeting post Garage Sale
Monday 16th October
|
District Governor Visit
|
Peter Ward
|
Monday 23rd October
|
Antarctica - Howard Fleming
Partners Night
|
|
|
Monday 30th October
Looking for a speaker
Duty Roster
If you are unable to be at the meeting please contact the person doing your role the following week/s, arrange a swap and advise Max, so he can amend his records.
Inside This Issue |
Upcoming Events |
|
Note: The above are "safe" links. They merely navigate within this page.
|
7&8 October
7th October
16th October
6th November
21st November - its a Tuesday
|
Garage Sale
Garage Sale Dinner at Pennant Hills Bowling Club
District Governor, Peter Ward visit
Melbourne Cup Night
Vocational Visit Baulkham Hills TAFE @ 6:15pm
|
Club Calendar
Take me to the Club Calendar
|
Note: This link goes to another page. At the bottom of that page is a link back to this page.
|
2017 Garage Sale
|
|
Garage Sale Update
What happen last week.
Regards
Neville Hansen
What happen last week.
- The Girl Guide Hall has been setup and all the Clothes racks are up in the Turnbull's Garage. Pickups and Drop offs have started.
- Drop Off / Pick Ups: 6:30pm to 8pm Tues, Wed, Thurs and then 1pm to 5pm Sat & Sun
- Bric-a-Brac Sorting at the Guide Hall: Pls call Glenda on 0412 332982 to let her know when you are available to help. Tues 26 from 6:30pm, Wed 27 from 6:30pm, Thurs 28 from 6:30pm, Sat 30th from 1pm, and Sun 1st from 1pm,
- Clothes sorting at Turnbull's: Pls call Jill on 0408 424941 to let her know when you are available to help. 9am to 5pm on Mon 25th, Wed 27th, Fri 29th.
- Plant Stall: Carol has volunteered to coordinate the plant stall this year, thank you Carol. Can you pls let Carol know by email by Mon 2nd Oct if you are donating plants so we have some idea of the number of plants.
- Cake Stall: Rashna has again volunteered to coordinate the Cake stall again, thank you Rashna. We will be selling to the public from 9am Saturday & Sunday. Can you pls let Rashna know by email by Mon 2nd Oct what you could provide so we know how much we will have. Can you please label the ingredients and think about presentation.
- Parking at RFS: RFS has requested that no one park permanently on the bitumen in front of RFS building as at any time they could be called to a fire. Also please make sure the area around the drying pole at the rear is clear at all times. Pls park in the car park beside the RFS building or on the grass down at the Girl Guide hall. Thanks you.
- Can you pls review the sheet and note if you have made yourself available for Drop offs / pickups this week. If you have not filled it in can you pls do so ASAP as we do need at least 6 people for all drop offs / pickups. I am sure this would make good fodder for the Sargent of Arms. Pls let us know if you are coming to the dinner on the Sat night of the Garage Sale. We only have 24 people so far.
Regards
Neville Hansen
Tree of Joy - Why not get involved
Fellow Rotarians and Partners
I am delighted to inform you that the Cherrybrook Centre Management has decided to go ahead with the Tree of Joy despite renovations.
The response from the community is fantastic. Last year we collected in excess of 1000 gifts at an average value of $50/- per gift this is by far one of the biggest fund raiser and community service project undertaken by the club without any significant expense.
Currently we support Anglicare, Burnside Uniting Church, Wesley Mission, Camp Quality, Marayong Primary School, Meals on Wheels, Parramatta Mission, Shine for Kids and Taldumande to name a few. This year we are looking at further expanding our charities and assisting the less fortunate people to celebrate Christmas.
The way the Tree of Joy is run a committee of club Rotarians meet and identify a charity and a nominated Rotarian becomes the sole contact with that charity. If you are passionate about a charity that you would like to support then we would love to have you on the committee, partners too are most welcome.
In case you are interested and would like more details please contact me at the earliest as we are planning to have our first meeting early this month.
If you are seriously wanting to make a difference, help those who are less fortunate and believe in service above self then be a part of the Tree that continues to spread Joy in and outside our community.
Cawas
I am delighted to inform you that the Cherrybrook Centre Management has decided to go ahead with the Tree of Joy despite renovations.
The response from the community is fantastic. Last year we collected in excess of 1000 gifts at an average value of $50/- per gift this is by far one of the biggest fund raiser and community service project undertaken by the club without any significant expense.
Currently we support Anglicare, Burnside Uniting Church, Wesley Mission, Camp Quality, Marayong Primary School, Meals on Wheels, Parramatta Mission, Shine for Kids and Taldumande to name a few. This year we are looking at further expanding our charities and assisting the less fortunate people to celebrate Christmas.
The way the Tree of Joy is run a committee of club Rotarians meet and identify a charity and a nominated Rotarian becomes the sole contact with that charity. If you are passionate about a charity that you would like to support then we would love to have you on the committee, partners too are most welcome.
In case you are interested and would like more details please contact me at the earliest as we are planning to have our first meeting early this month.
If you are seriously wanting to make a difference, help those who are less fortunate and believe in service above self then be a part of the Tree that continues to spread Joy in and outside our community.
Cawas
RC Pennant Hills - Golf Day
|
|
Click on either of above for a larger (legible) image.
Inspirational Women Award
Charity Poker Night
|
Dear Colin Sharpe, Please find attached a flyer for Crows Nest Rotary Charity Poker Night. 7pm Saturday October 21st @ North Sydney Leagues. I would really appreciate it , if you could circulate the flyer around your club.. Last year we raised $800 which went to 2 women refuges (Mary's House & Delvena House). This year's charity will be announced on the night.. Both years this has run, it has been a fun night. We cater for those who do not know how to play poker with lessons from 6pm on the night OR invite me to one of your meetings. Feel free to call me with any questions. Mark Staples Secretary, Crows Nest Rotary |
Top Five Reasons to End Trachoma
Top 5 Reasons to support EndTrachoma by 2020
Clubs around Australia support many worthwhile charities and projects. But EndTrachoma by 2020 is something particularly special for Rotary Australia.
Learn More >>
Note: Opens a pdf document as a new page.
Close the page and come back to here.
|
|
October is Rotary Foundation Month
|
The Rotary Foundation transforms your gifts into service projects that change lives both close to home and
around the world. |
|
During the past 100 years, the Foundation has spent $3 billion on life-changing, sustainable projects.
With your help, we can make lives better in your community and around the world. Why should I donate to The Rotary Foundation?
Your donation makes a difference to those who need our help most. More than 90 percent of donations go directly to supporting our service projects around the world. How does The Rotary Foundation use donations? Our 35,000 clubs carry out sustainable service projects that support our six causes. With donations like yours, we’ve wiped out 99.9 percent of all polio cases. Your donation also trains future peacemakers, supports clean water, and strengthens local economies. What impact can one donation have? It can save a life. A child can be protected from polio with as little as 60 cents. Our partners make your donation go even further. For every $1 Rotary commits to polio eradication, the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation has committed $2. |
EXPLORE OUR CAUSES
Note: Clicking on each photo will link to a new website each in a new window. Closing these windows will allow a return to this site.
Wanted - New Members
Stop Press: Ricardo has provided contact details to a prospective member. Like Tiny Tim I need more.
|
We are experiencing another drought with respect to prospective new members.
If you know of someone who would benefit from Rotary, or, from whom Rotary would benefit if they were a member, then contact Keith. Click here for a PDF copy of the form to the right, and send or give it to Keith. |
|
Significant Club fundraising events during the year
The Book Sale March 2017. As the result of a lot of hard work the April Book Sale was a great success, especially from the organisers Max Henderson, Andrew Little and Clive Denmark. Funds raised were circa $13,000. Well done.
2017 Trivia Night
The Club held a very successful trivia night on Saturday 26 August 20167at the Cherrybrook Community Centre, raising just over $5,000 towards the charities we support.
The Club held a very successful trivia night on Saturday 26 August 20167at the Cherrybrook Community Centre, raising just over $5,000 towards the charities we support.
The Garage Sale
Last year we have just had a very successful Garage Sale on the weekend of 8/9 October raising a record gross of over $30k. The combination of good planning and benign weather contributed to this result.
This year we hope to have another successful weekend on October 7&8.
The weather is in god's hands.
Your assistance will assist in making the event a success.
Last year we have just had a very successful Garage Sale on the weekend of 8/9 October raising a record gross of over $30k. The combination of good planning and benign weather contributed to this result.
This year we hope to have another successful weekend on October 7&8.
The weather is in god's hands.
Your assistance will assist in making the event a success.
Barbecues
The club runs fund raising barbecues throughout the year, mainly at Bunnings (both Dural and Thornleigh) Here are Barry, Tony, Nick and David hard at work. at Thornleigh..
The club runs fund raising barbecues throughout the year, mainly at Bunnings (both Dural and Thornleigh) Here are Barry, Tony, Nick and David hard at work. at Thornleigh..
Meetings
Monday 6:30pm for 7:00pm - Springfield House - 245 New Line Road, Dural 2158
Apologies
If you are unable to attend or are bringing a guest (even if they are your partner) you must notify Jilda.
Phone 8484 7106 or email [email protected] before 11am on the day of the meeting.
Phone 8484 7106 or email [email protected] before 11am on the day of the meeting.
If you are expected and do not show you will be required to pay for the meal.
President's Report
|
President Colin welcome fellow Rotarians to the meeting with special mention to Howard, Alan and Bob as returning from holidays.
Business Items 1) Neville was thanked for the huge amount of work he is putting into the Garage Sale coordination. Special mention of a. Glenda who has been at the hall all week with helpers Rotarian and non-Rotarian. b. Pick up and receival team who have come each evening/afternoon. I note essentially the same people are turning up each time. Please try and make yourself available if you have not done so yet. c. The families who are giving up house/garage space to sort/store toys, clothes, baby goods, music, haberdashery, tools, plants etc. 2) DG’s Presidents Meeting a. Exchange students – 15 inbounds b. Reporting time/expenditure. i. A lot of concern raised about the guideline (This months District eNews Letter) not including fundraising hours in the reporting. RI expects all funds raised will be spent on service projects which is not reality. c. 2018 (March 10/11)District Conference – Fairmount Resort Leura- Details now live on District web site. d. International Resource Network co-ordinator i. New role at zone level ii. 3 year term iii. Help with global grant applications iv. Help locate partner clubs in another country for international projects e. Friends of Rotary i. Strive to find business supporters/spnosors f. Rotary Foundation Multi District Dinner 20 Nov. i. Details have been communicated previously ii. Teresa plans to run another event at her place like last year. g. India Friendship Exchange Dinner 17 Nov i. About 100 Rotarians/partners visiting from India. North Kellyville is hosting a diner h. World Polio day Oct 24th. i. District looking for a donation like last year i. Rotary International Peace Conference i. 6 being held around the world – one in Sydney (Rotary Club of Sydney organising) ii. Sydney Town Hall - $195/ticket iii. Australian and international speakers j. Paint4Freedom i. National Art Competition (youth) to raise awareness about modern day slavery. ii. Not currently supported by District. iii. Doug Malcolm (non-Rotarian) is the organiser and is seeking support from all councils to run an event each. Also seeking support from a club in each council area to assist. iv. Looking for moral support from Rotarians via facebook v. First three place getters in each Local Council Area to go forward to the National Competition via a Regional competition. k. Social Media training – Still on and dates to be advised l. Bobby Redman Vocational Director i. PCYC (Police & Citizens Youth Club) 1. Very strongly recommended that contact be made with club that covers our area (Waitara). PCYC want to provide candidates for RYLA, RYPEN, 2. PCYC have guest speakers available 3. All PCYC managers have to become Rotarians. ii. Bobby happy to speak to clubs on Rotary vocational programs. iii. National Youth Science Candidates can apply to OZ Industry for a $1500 grant. m. Training i. Board training to be run again 12 Oct at Hills Council ii. New Rotarians training coming. n. MUNA – Epping Club coordinating next year i. May 19-20 next year at Epping Boys High School ii. Information coming soon. iii. $280 for a team of three – Rotary Club to sponsor. o. Defibrillators i. Dr Donald Dingsdag – Chairman of Cardiac Arrest Survival Foundation. ii. Defibrillators that are remotely monitored 24/7 are recommended. Currently 500 are installed around Sydney. Manly Club is installing one. iii. Cherrybrook Shopping centre/Sports Ground/Community Hall would be an ideal location. iv. Dingsdag will provide his presentation. p. Information from other clubs. i. Ryde E Club uses Video Conferencing for its meetings. ii. Kincumber give a 1 year free associate membership to youth exchange parents. Results in new members. iii. Belrose hold a breakfast meeting once a month in shopping centre and invite people to attend – has resulted in new members. See the night report for further information on the following: a) The facts Janelle gave about herself some of which was fake. b) Life sailing the oceans around Eastern Australia from David some of which was fake. c) The garage sale workshop run by Neville The President closed the meeting with a reminder about: a) support for pre- Garage Sale activities. Don ‘t leave it to just the committee. The garage sale is two weekends away. Just let the weather be fine. b) The Board meeting on Oct 11th at Rosemary’s place c) The DGs visit to the club on Oct 16th d) The talk from Harry Zheng re MUNA Thank you all for coming tonight. Have a great week making a difference until we meet again on Oct 16th Colin |
|
Night Report
Opening; Sergeant Ric opened the meeting at 7.00pm with The Loyal Toast and Rotary Grace.
President welcomed all members and thanked all those helpers for the Garage Sale.
President Col’s Report - Refer President’s report in bulletin.
Director’s Reports
Barry Freeman (Vocational) Thanked members coming to TAFE dinner on
21st November. There is room for more. Please supply names and Nos.
TAFE Dinner attendance sheet was passed around.
Tony suggested that all function attendance sheets be displayed at front table.
Keith Ball (Membership) Advised the meeting that the Club needs more new members.
Janelle gave an update on the BBQ at Bunnings. Raised $800.00. Next dates at Bunnings Dural 22 Oct. and 2 Dec.
Janelle introduced a fun segment into the meeting. Pick The Truth and the Lie.
After four statements about her self, half the members picked the LIE, the other half
donated to the Sergeant’s collection. David gave four topics for the members to pick the Truth or The Lie, with the same previous result.
Rosemary (Youth) No comment.
Neville Hansen Gave an update on the Garage sale. G.G. Hall being set up.
Turnbull’s garage with the racks etc fit out. A good roll up of members helping. Wanted for sorting plants, cake stall, on the day park at rear of the RFS building. No large furniture. Members to wear Dinner Disc’s, Selling on-line, Face painting lady attending, and don’t forget the dinner on Saturday night.
Members Talk – By David Turmbull on his passion and hobby of sailing. He first cruised with Rotary on a weekend social cruise to Broken Bay. Then sailed with one of our past members in Sydney Harbour and along the NSW coast. From there he had the opportunity to be a deck hand in the Sydney to Hobart Boxing Day race. So after about eight Syd/Hob. Races, a few early race retirements, loosing a main mast at sea, 10 metre waves, coming second on Handicap, sailing socially around Tassie, he has put away his sea going legs for a more quiet life on the land.
Guest Speaker for the evening. Nil due to School holidays
General Business. Questionnaire sheet given, two per table on how to stream line and improve to Garage Sale. Each table Rep. gave their ideas to the meeting and sheets to the President.
President Col, Reminded the meeting of the DG’s visit at our next meeting on 16th. October.
Sergeant at Arm’s Ricardo ran the Raffle won by: Did not note it down.
The fines session as usual yielded a few dollars for the coffers.
Well done Ricardo and members.
The President closed the meeting with the National Anthem at 9.10pm
Howard Fleming.
President welcomed all members and thanked all those helpers for the Garage Sale.
President Col’s Report - Refer President’s report in bulletin.
Director’s Reports
Barry Freeman (Vocational) Thanked members coming to TAFE dinner on
21st November. There is room for more. Please supply names and Nos.
TAFE Dinner attendance sheet was passed around.
Tony suggested that all function attendance sheets be displayed at front table.
Keith Ball (Membership) Advised the meeting that the Club needs more new members.
Janelle gave an update on the BBQ at Bunnings. Raised $800.00. Next dates at Bunnings Dural 22 Oct. and 2 Dec.
Janelle introduced a fun segment into the meeting. Pick The Truth and the Lie.
After four statements about her self, half the members picked the LIE, the other half
donated to the Sergeant’s collection. David gave four topics for the members to pick the Truth or The Lie, with the same previous result.
Rosemary (Youth) No comment.
Neville Hansen Gave an update on the Garage sale. G.G. Hall being set up.
Turnbull’s garage with the racks etc fit out. A good roll up of members helping. Wanted for sorting plants, cake stall, on the day park at rear of the RFS building. No large furniture. Members to wear Dinner Disc’s, Selling on-line, Face painting lady attending, and don’t forget the dinner on Saturday night.
Members Talk – By David Turmbull on his passion and hobby of sailing. He first cruised with Rotary on a weekend social cruise to Broken Bay. Then sailed with one of our past members in Sydney Harbour and along the NSW coast. From there he had the opportunity to be a deck hand in the Sydney to Hobart Boxing Day race. So after about eight Syd/Hob. Races, a few early race retirements, loosing a main mast at sea, 10 metre waves, coming second on Handicap, sailing socially around Tassie, he has put away his sea going legs for a more quiet life on the land.
Guest Speaker for the evening. Nil due to School holidays
General Business. Questionnaire sheet given, two per table on how to stream line and improve to Garage Sale. Each table Rep. gave their ideas to the meeting and sheets to the President.
President Col, Reminded the meeting of the DG’s visit at our next meeting on 16th. October.
Sergeant at Arm’s Ricardo ran the Raffle won by: Did not note it down.
The fines session as usual yielded a few dollars for the coffers.
Well done Ricardo and members.
The President closed the meeting with the National Anthem at 9.10pm
Howard Fleming.
Night Photos
Click on a photo for a larger image
Click to set custom HTML
This Week's Humour
Home Schooled
Most of our generation of 60++ were HOME SCHOOLED in many ways.
1.My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2.My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3.My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4.My father taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5.My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me"
6.My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7.My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8.My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9.My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10.My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11.My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12.My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
13.My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."
14.My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15.My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16.My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17.My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when he gets home!"
18.My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19.My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20.My father taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21.My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22.My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23.My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24.My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.
25.My father taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”
This should only be sent to the 'over 60' crowd because the younger ones will not believe we truly were told these "EXACT" words by our parents…
Jim
Most of our generation of 60++ were HOME SCHOOLED in many ways.
1.My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2.My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3.My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4.My father taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5.My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me"
6.My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7.My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8.My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9.My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10.My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11.My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12.My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
13.My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."
14.My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15.My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16.My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17.My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when he gets home!"
18.My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19.My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20.My father taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21.My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22.My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23.My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24.My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.
25.My father taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”
This should only be sent to the 'over 60' crowd because the younger ones will not believe we truly were told these "EXACT" words by our parents…
Jim
IMMUTABLE LAWS
1. Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
3. Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.
5. Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
6. Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
7. Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
8. Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
9. Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
10. Law of the Theaters & Sports Arenas - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last.. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
11. The Coffee Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
12. Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
13. Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
14. Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.
15. Law of Physical Appearance
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
16. Law of Public Speaking
-- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!
17. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy-
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!
18. Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
Jim
1. Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
3. Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.
5. Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
6. Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
7. Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
8. Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
9. Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
10. Law of the Theaters & Sports Arenas - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last.. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
11. The Coffee Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
12. Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
13. Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
14. Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.
15. Law of Physical Appearance
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
16. Law of Public Speaking
-- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!
17. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy-
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!
18. Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
Jim
Words from the Lord
A man was riding his Harley along a California highway, when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said: 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.
The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific, and the concrete and steel it would take. It will nearly exhaust the world’s natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord,
I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and why she gets those headaches when I’m looking for tenderness, and how I can make a woman truly happy.
The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four lanes on that Bridge?"
Colin S
A man was riding his Harley along a California highway, when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said: 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.
The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific, and the concrete and steel it would take. It will nearly exhaust the world’s natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord,
I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and why she gets those headaches when I’m looking for tenderness, and how I can make a woman truly happy.
The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four lanes on that Bridge?"
Colin S
Joke Bank content is 4 jokes.
Club Calendar
Editor's Note: If you wish to download and print the Calendar please click here.
Bulletin Editor - Keith Ball
