The Next Meetings |
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Monday 12th February
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Dr Don Dingsdag - Chair of Cardiac Arrest Survival Foundation
(potential Next Big Thing project) |
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Monday 19th February
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Youth Night
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Monday 26th February
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The Plot Thickens
Historic and Famous people interred at Macquarie Park - Tom Sweeney |
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Duty Roster
If you are unable to be at the meeting please contact the person doing your role the following week/s, arrange a swap and advise Max, so he can amend his records.
Inside This Issue |
Upcoming Events |
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17th February
3rd March
13th March
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Book Sale - First Major Book sort
Book Sale - Second Major Book Sort
Book Sale - Third Major Book sort
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Club Calendar
Take me to the Club Calendar
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Note: This link goes to another page. At the bottom of that page is a link back to this page.
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Larissa
Janelle has supplied three snaps of Larissa from the past weekend
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At Bunnings Thornleigh
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Lunch at Frankie's prior to inbound orientation session
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Mikaela (latest blog)
Triumphs and challenges; the opening chapter 3/2/18
Godaften,
Not every teenager can say they have left home to live on the other side of the world for a year, however I, among the 31 other 'winter team' exchange students in Denmark, can. I knew it would not be easy, there would be many challenges to face, but it has not been as hard as I was to believe. Day 15 into my year and it feels as though I have been here a lifetime (in a good way of course). From visiting Copenhagen at night to language camp and outdoor iceskating, nothing has been less than an adventure.
My first week started with my weekly language class and Rotary meeting. Although not much Danish was spoken, the language class provided an opportunity to meet the 'oldies' in our district. Seeing how happy and confident they all were greatly helped to silence the quiet pleas of my conscious to return to the familiar, instead showing how exchange changes a person for the better. That evening, I attended my first Rotary meeting with my sponsor club, Taastrup Rotary. Unfortunately, I could not understand any of the talks, but I was able to meet the members before my formal introduction (which is on the 5th of February). They were all accepting of me, understanding how it was a new experience for me and even congratulating me on staying awake for the entire meeting as I had only recently arrived. Mange tak to Taastrup Rotary for their generosity and warm welcome to the club.
After a few days of adjusting, walking down the street to H&M for clothes and sorting out practical things, on Thursday night my friend Matthew and I decided to go to Nyhavn in Copenhagen together. We got lost several times (ending up on the palace 'driveway' at one point), but it was a lovely way to explore our city. We eventually made it to Nyhavn, and sat on a bridge admiring the city, both agreeing we wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
Friday marked the beginning of my schooling at Taastrup Realskole. My class has only 14 people because Year 10 is an optional grade for all students in Denmark. My class are all very cool, and speak amazing English, although they often doubt their skills. It surprised me that in my first English class they analysed a poem, as this is a complex task, especially when not in your first language. School has a lot more relaxed atmosphere than at home, and for lunch we walked to the local kebab takeaway shop. I am very pleased I am going to this school and tak to Ninette and Kenneth for arranging my placement there.
Saturday was the annual birthday party for my Rotary club. This is a big event in the club, so to mark the special occasion, we all travelled down to Stevns Klint, a famous beach with chalk cliffs in the south of Zealand. We had a small tour of the area and the beach, it was too cold to stay outside for long, and then headed to the party. The food, music and fancy venue created the perfect atmosphere for a party, and congratulations to Ninette for receiving a Paul Harris fellow on the night. Happy birthday Taastrup Rotary Club!
Getting home at 12 the night before, it was non-stop action to get to Nørgaards Højskole for language/intro camp in the morning. The train ride did not go as planned, with an accident on the tracks causing us to catch a bus for the remainder of the train ride to Aarhus, but we eventually made it to Bjerringbro where the folk high school is located. The camp was a lot of fun, no matter how tired we all were by the end. We spent the day time in Danish classes and the evenings doing activities such as listening to a concert from a local band, melting plastic beads into art and singing Michael Jackson songs with one of the school's music teachers. Tak to Anne our language teacher on her great work and patience when teaching Danish. As a special treat, on Thursday we visited Aarhus and the ARoS museum. Aarhus is the second largest city in Denmark and a cultural capital of Europe, home to the famous rainbow panorama onto of ARoS. The beautifully constructed museum represents the Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri and as a design student and fan of Dan Brown, this piece of architecture was phenomenal! My gang and I ate 33 kroner massive pizza slices and did outdoor ice-skating after visiting the museum, taking a walk through the centre of town. It is a lovely city. With a party to end the week, I know I was able to become close with the other exchange students in my winter team, and have found some great people to be with and support each other. I won't forget room 6 or dancing in the choir hall with my friends scattered around the room.
The train on the way home presented the first large problem on the trip. We had missed our train from Aarhus to Copenhagen, and were unable to use our ticket to get onto the next available train. However, after some stressful quick thinking we worked out a way to get home we got new tickets and made our way back. Matthew, mate, you did well and without you we wouldn't have made it home. More snow greeted us in Copenhagen, pretty and peaceful, descending onto the city.
A full-on start to a full-on year, what better way to begin?
Venlig helson,
Mikaela
Not every teenager can say they have left home to live on the other side of the world for a year, however I, among the 31 other 'winter team' exchange students in Denmark, can. I knew it would not be easy, there would be many challenges to face, but it has not been as hard as I was to believe. Day 15 into my year and it feels as though I have been here a lifetime (in a good way of course). From visiting Copenhagen at night to language camp and outdoor iceskating, nothing has been less than an adventure.
My first week started with my weekly language class and Rotary meeting. Although not much Danish was spoken, the language class provided an opportunity to meet the 'oldies' in our district. Seeing how happy and confident they all were greatly helped to silence the quiet pleas of my conscious to return to the familiar, instead showing how exchange changes a person for the better. That evening, I attended my first Rotary meeting with my sponsor club, Taastrup Rotary. Unfortunately, I could not understand any of the talks, but I was able to meet the members before my formal introduction (which is on the 5th of February). They were all accepting of me, understanding how it was a new experience for me and even congratulating me on staying awake for the entire meeting as I had only recently arrived. Mange tak to Taastrup Rotary for their generosity and warm welcome to the club.
After a few days of adjusting, walking down the street to H&M for clothes and sorting out practical things, on Thursday night my friend Matthew and I decided to go to Nyhavn in Copenhagen together. We got lost several times (ending up on the palace 'driveway' at one point), but it was a lovely way to explore our city. We eventually made it to Nyhavn, and sat on a bridge admiring the city, both agreeing we wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
Friday marked the beginning of my schooling at Taastrup Realskole. My class has only 14 people because Year 10 is an optional grade for all students in Denmark. My class are all very cool, and speak amazing English, although they often doubt their skills. It surprised me that in my first English class they analysed a poem, as this is a complex task, especially when not in your first language. School has a lot more relaxed atmosphere than at home, and for lunch we walked to the local kebab takeaway shop. I am very pleased I am going to this school and tak to Ninette and Kenneth for arranging my placement there.
Saturday was the annual birthday party for my Rotary club. This is a big event in the club, so to mark the special occasion, we all travelled down to Stevns Klint, a famous beach with chalk cliffs in the south of Zealand. We had a small tour of the area and the beach, it was too cold to stay outside for long, and then headed to the party. The food, music and fancy venue created the perfect atmosphere for a party, and congratulations to Ninette for receiving a Paul Harris fellow on the night. Happy birthday Taastrup Rotary Club!
Getting home at 12 the night before, it was non-stop action to get to Nørgaards Højskole for language/intro camp in the morning. The train ride did not go as planned, with an accident on the tracks causing us to catch a bus for the remainder of the train ride to Aarhus, but we eventually made it to Bjerringbro where the folk high school is located. The camp was a lot of fun, no matter how tired we all were by the end. We spent the day time in Danish classes and the evenings doing activities such as listening to a concert from a local band, melting plastic beads into art and singing Michael Jackson songs with one of the school's music teachers. Tak to Anne our language teacher on her great work and patience when teaching Danish. As a special treat, on Thursday we visited Aarhus and the ARoS museum. Aarhus is the second largest city in Denmark and a cultural capital of Europe, home to the famous rainbow panorama onto of ARoS. The beautifully constructed museum represents the Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri and as a design student and fan of Dan Brown, this piece of architecture was phenomenal! My gang and I ate 33 kroner massive pizza slices and did outdoor ice-skating after visiting the museum, taking a walk through the centre of town. It is a lovely city. With a party to end the week, I know I was able to become close with the other exchange students in my winter team, and have found some great people to be with and support each other. I won't forget room 6 or dancing in the choir hall with my friends scattered around the room.
The train on the way home presented the first large problem on the trip. We had missed our train from Aarhus to Copenhagen, and were unable to use our ticket to get onto the next available train. However, after some stressful quick thinking we worked out a way to get home we got new tickets and made our way back. Matthew, mate, you did well and without you we wouldn't have made it home. More snow greeted us in Copenhagen, pretty and peaceful, descending onto the city.
A full-on start to a full-on year, what better way to begin?
Venlig helson,
Mikaela
Rotary Weekend North to visit Barry
Photos by Gino
Cross Egypt Challenge
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Dear fellow Rotarians around the world,
We have appreciated the support of various Rotarians and clubs around the world who have written back to us in the past few years or joined our Cross Egypt Challenge initiative and helped support the economy and tourism of our beautiful country, Egypt. The members of the Rotary Club of Alexandria Cosmopolitan - District 2451 – Egypt are happy to renew their invitation to you and the members of your prestigious and respectful club to learn more about, and share our Rotary organized initiative, "Cross Egypt Challenge" that aims to promote tourism to Egypt and to prove that Egypt is still safe for tourism. The world as we knew it is rapidly changing, and Egypt has been suffering from bad media and is being looked at recently as a dangerous place to visit. However, the reality of things is: Egypt remains a very safe country to visit. Unfortunately the media focuses on action taking place in neighboring countries and generalize. This affects Egypt largely, a country depends highly on tourism as a main source of income. We as Rotarians from this side of the globe feel it is our duty to let our fellows worldwide know that Egypt is still a marvellous and safe place to travel to, and to enjoy some of the best sights in the world. We send a strict and honest assurance message to our fellows everywhere that the situation in Egypt is very safe and we invite you to experience this first hand by taking part in our initiative: Cross Egypt Challenge which was also featured in the January 2017 issue of the international "Rotarian Magazine" - please click here to read the Rotarian article- Cross Egypt Challenge is an international cross-country motorcycle and scooter adventure tour conducted throughout the majestic and fascinating Egypt. Participation is not only open to Rotarians but also open to any interested rider, their accompanying spouses and friends from around the globe who wish to visit and explore this marvellous country in a unique way. This amazing Rotary project started in 2011 and for the past 7 years, Rotarians and riders from over 40 countries took part in the adventurous challenge. This year the challenge will start on October 11 and will last for 10 days and will include some of Egypt's top attractions and off the beaten track destinations. A normal practice we conduct during Cross Egypt Challenge is an annual "Sahara Rotary Meeting" where visiting riding Rotarians along with Rotaracts from our organizing team conduct an official Rotary meeting in the Egyptian Desert – please view attached image -, a practice that we happily repeat at each new season. Cross Egypt Challenge provides a very rewarding and challenging experience for participants from around the globe as it combines the best of adventure travels and extreme sports. The 2018 season of Cross Egypt Challenge will include one of the best routes in the history of the challenge and will pass through many of Egypt's finest spots including modern cities, coastal resorts, historical sites, Egyptian western and eastern deserts and Egypt's Nile Valley. I invite you, your club and the members of your club to support our initiative by:
For more information or to register, please visit our website: www.CrossEgyptChallenge.com and LIKE our Facebook page: www.facebook.com/CrossEgyptChallenge We look forward to hearing back from you, welcoming you as a rider in Cross Egypt Challenge 2018 and host you in our annual Sahara Rotary meeting. For any more information, please do not hesitate to contact us. Ahmad Elzoghby, PHF, Rotary Club of Alexandria Cosmopolitan Rotary International – District 2451 Alexandria, Egypt |
Editor Note: Click on any of above for a larger image.
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February is Peace and Conflict Prevention/Resolution Month
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Conflict and violence displace millions of people each year. Half of those killed in conflict are children, and 90 percent are civilians.
We refuse to accept conflict as a way of life. Rotary projects provide training that fosters understanding and provides communities with the skills to resolve conflicts.
Through our service projects, peace fellowships, and scholarships, our members are taking action to address the underlying causes of conflict, including poverty, inequality, ethnic tension, lack of access to education, and unequal distribution of resources.
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PREVENT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
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TRAINING
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IN ACTION
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Australia Rotary clubs raise awareness and funds to prevent domestic violence and support its victims.
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We help leaders learn how to prevent and mediate conflict.
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Rotary supports peacebuilding in communities and regions affected by conflict.
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REBUILD LIVES
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EDUCATE REFUGEES
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EMPOWER YOUTH
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Canada Rotary club helping refugees from Syria start new lives.
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A university president and Rotary club fight Boko Haram to educate refugees in Nigeria.
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Young people from Rio de Janeiro’s infamous favelas find an outlet for their energy – and a chance at Olympic gold – through Rotary.
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Breaking News ...
On 26th February three new members are to be inducted ...
Jaswant Thakorlal
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Kerry and Bill Mann
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Wanted - New Members
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If you know of someone who would benefit from Rotary, or, from whom Rotary would benefit if they were a member, then contact Keith.
Click here for a PDF copy of the form to the right, and send or give it to Keith.
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Significant Club fundraising events during the year
The Book Sale March 2017. As the result of a lot of hard work the April Book Sale was a great success, especially from the organisers Max Henderson, Andrew Little and Clive Denmark. Funds raised were circa $13,000. Well done.
2017 Trivia Night
The Club held a very successful trivia night on Saturday 26 August 20167at the Cherrybrook Community Centre, raising just over $5,000 towards the charities we support.
The Club held a very successful trivia night on Saturday 26 August 20167at the Cherrybrook Community Centre, raising just over $5,000 towards the charities we support.
The Garage Sale
We have just had our best and most successful Garage Sale on the weekend of 7&8 October raising a record gross - north of $35k.
Excellent Project Management and a large number of dedicated volunteers, some putting in hours of effort, in the weeks before the weekend contributed to this result.
We have just had our best and most successful Garage Sale on the weekend of 7&8 October raising a record gross - north of $35k.
Excellent Project Management and a large number of dedicated volunteers, some putting in hours of effort, in the weeks before the weekend contributed to this result.
Barbecues
The club runs fund raising barbecues throughout the year, mainly at Bunnings (both Dural and Thornleigh) Here are Barry, Tony, Nick and David hard at work. at Thornleigh..
The club runs fund raising barbecues throughout the year, mainly at Bunnings (both Dural and Thornleigh) Here are Barry, Tony, Nick and David hard at work. at Thornleigh..
Meetings
Monday 6:30pm for 7:00pm - Springfield House - 245 New Line Road, Dural 2158
Apologies
If you are unable to attend or are bringing a guest (even if they are your partner) you must notify Carol.
Phone 8850 6515 or email [email protected] before 11am on the day of the meeting.
Phone 8850 6515 or email [email protected] before 11am on the day of the meeting.
If you are expected and do not show you will be required to pay for the meal.
President's Report 5th February
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It was pleasing to see 41 members guests and partners turnout to welcome, and hear, a talk from the Honourable Philip Ruddock Mayor of Hornsby Shire Council. Partners present tonight were Gwen, Julie, Lynne, Margaret, Rashna, and Dianne). It was pleasing to see Rotarian Andrew return from his recuperation (albeit with an arm in a sling). Guests tonight were Jaswant Thakorlal, Kerry and Bill Mann – it is proposed to induct them all into the club on February 26th.
Larissa has now settled into year 10 at CTHS. Thank you John and Rita for persevering with school bureaucracy and getting everything in place for Larissa and Anne for using her dressmaking skills to alter uniforms. Please get to know Larissa by inviting her to your place. Larissa appreciated the effort Rosemary went too obtaining a new Rotary Blazer, as the one lost on the British Airways flight was apparently not handed in. Thank you to those who helped Janelle, Peter Stanton and I run the Bunnings BBQ at Thornleigh last Sunday, i.e John, Larissa, Angelo, Keith, Rashna, Neville, Douglas and Anne. Larissa experienced an Aussie BBQ for the first time and was presented with a Certificate of Competence from her fellow BBQ alumni. Larissa told me Brazilian BBQs are quiet different – salt coated beef is placed on a wooden skewer and roasted over an open fire. Larissa might tell us more about it sometime. A big thank you to Ros for organising the weekend away. I heard the travellers thoroughly enjoyed their Central Coast experience that included being hosted by Barry at his new house. Road access to Barry’s was somewhat eventful for the Bus and Gino got to practice his first Aid. Max gave an overview (See night report) and Gino’s photos were put on the screen. |
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An update was provided about what the club has done, or will do, this Rotary year:
Hands on projects - (not just handing out money)
Monetary Donations
Fund raising
Larissa’s word for this is week is "Bloke" (meaning Man)
Next week we have the Dr Don Dingsdag speaking about Cardiac Arrest Survival Foundation – background for our proposed Cherrybrook defibrillator project
I am in NZ for the next two meetings so President Elect Charlie will be in the President’s Chair.
A big thank you to John for standing in for Sergeant Ric this week.
Kiwi Joke. A Kiwi was hoping to immigrate to Australia. Upon arriving in Australia, he was questioned by a customs officer, “What is your business in Australia?” “I wish to immigrate, ” was the Kiwi’s reply. The customs officer then asked, “Do you have a conviction record?” Confused, the Kiwi then replied, “I didn’t think you still needed one.”
Until you meet again next Monday for more run and fellowship have a great week making a difference.
Colin
Hands on projects - (not just handing out money)
- St Gabriel’s School playground development (underway)
- Water purification in two schools in the Philippines (proposed)
- BBQ for Wesley Mission’s Carols in the Valley
- BBQ for Anglicare Pensioners – supported by Mirvac Staff from Cherrybrook Shopping Centre
- Ronald McDonald House dinner
- Christmas Tree-of-Joy at Cherrybrook Shopping Centre – 812 gifts collected and distributed to local charities
- Hosting a Rotary Exchange Student
Monetary Donations
- To Wahroonga Rotary Club’s Rotary Youth Hub located in the Hornsby Kai-ring-gai PCYC
- To Wesley Mission’s Operation Hope
- Shade sails for Marayong Primary School.
- Travel costs for 4 children from Marayong Primary School to attend an Athletics Competition in Adelaide
- Fees for 4 students to attend a range of Rotary youth development programs
- A significant amount will be distributed to Rotary Charity Programs and local worthy causes in June this year
Fund raising
- Trivia night (August).
- Book Fair (March)
- Garage Sale (Oct) at Cherrybrook - Guide Hall/RFS site
- Hoping to partner with the Hornsby Council to better utilise Guide Hall for community needs
- Improved site safety by renovating the internal road
Larissa’s word for this is week is "Bloke" (meaning Man)
Next week we have the Dr Don Dingsdag speaking about Cardiac Arrest Survival Foundation – background for our proposed Cherrybrook defibrillator project
I am in NZ for the next two meetings so President Elect Charlie will be in the President’s Chair.
A big thank you to John for standing in for Sergeant Ric this week.
Kiwi Joke. A Kiwi was hoping to immigrate to Australia. Upon arriving in Australia, he was questioned by a customs officer, “What is your business in Australia?” “I wish to immigrate, ” was the Kiwi’s reply. The customs officer then asked, “Do you have a conviction record?” Confused, the Kiwi then replied, “I didn’t think you still needed one.”
Until you meet again next Monday for more run and fellowship have a great week making a difference.
Colin
Night Report
Opening: Temporary Sgt John opened the meeting and called on members Teresa and Rosemary respectively for Grace and the Loyal Toast.
President Colin Sharpe. Colin welcomed all members and guests including a number of partners and particularly our Special Guest the Hon. Philip Ruddock
President Colin’s report is included separately in the bulletin and gives a rundown of the Club’s activities over the preceding 6 to 7 months
Reports as this was a night with a special guest, reports were kept to a minimum
Guest Speaker
The Hon. Philip Ruddock, mayor of Hornsby Shire Council, was our guest for the night and gave us an outline of his extensive work within and for various levels of government over the last 40 odd years. He is one of the longest serving politicians, second only to Billy Hughes.
Mr Ruddock’s principle is that politicians ‘are there to serve, not to serve themselves’.
Mr Ruddock addressed a number of questions from the members and suggested that the matter of the date for Australia Day ‘was not an item for Hornsby Shire Council to address’.
Mr Ruddock was a most interesting and informative speaker and we appreciate the time and effort he made to come and talk to us.
Sergeant at Arm’s Temporary Sgt. John then proceeded to apply a severe tax on members whether they had or had not been on the weekend away. There is no relief when John gets started, but good fun was enjoyed by all.
David Turnbull. 6 February 2018
President Colin Sharpe. Colin welcomed all members and guests including a number of partners and particularly our Special Guest the Hon. Philip Ruddock
President Colin’s report is included separately in the bulletin and gives a rundown of the Club’s activities over the preceding 6 to 7 months
Reports as this was a night with a special guest, reports were kept to a minimum
- Max Henderson reported on the most successful weekend away, where Club members, partners and guests had a great time.
- Rosemary Clarke advised of the up-coming Youth Night on 19th February and the number of young people who would be speaking to us on that night. It would appear to be a very informative night.
- Janelle Craig reported on the Bunnings BBQ held over the weekend and well supported by those members not on the weekend away. This generated $900 +towards the Club’s Activity Fund.
- Tom Westcott reported on the on-going work at St Gabriel’s School, the support posts are in and the roof fabric has been delivered, work is proceeding
- Our exchange student Larissa then gave a report of her activities over the last period, she appears to have been busy and has now commenced school at Cherrybrook Technology High.
Guest Speaker
The Hon. Philip Ruddock, mayor of Hornsby Shire Council, was our guest for the night and gave us an outline of his extensive work within and for various levels of government over the last 40 odd years. He is one of the longest serving politicians, second only to Billy Hughes.
Mr Ruddock’s principle is that politicians ‘are there to serve, not to serve themselves’.
Mr Ruddock addressed a number of questions from the members and suggested that the matter of the date for Australia Day ‘was not an item for Hornsby Shire Council to address’.
Mr Ruddock was a most interesting and informative speaker and we appreciate the time and effort he made to come and talk to us.
Sergeant at Arm’s Temporary Sgt. John then proceeded to apply a severe tax on members whether they had or had not been on the weekend away. There is no relief when John gets started, but good fun was enjoyed by all.
David Turnbull. 6 February 2018
Night Photos
Editors Note: Click on a photo for a larger view.
Click to set custom HTML
This Week's Humour
Some Irish Humour to put a smile on your face ...
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An Irishman's first drink with his son
While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage. I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.. Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager? He didn't. I drank it. I thought maybe he'd like whisky better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope! In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland's finest whisky. He wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it! By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push his stroller back home!!! Irish Confession
I went into the confessional box after many years of being away from the Catholic Church. Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there was a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall was a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. When the priest came in, I said to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be." He replied, "You moron, you're on my side." Some Light Dublin Traffic Humor
A car full of Irish nuns are sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. "Hey, show us yer teets, ya bloody penguins." shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross." Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off." She then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?" AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed: "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings (and her clothes) and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching the dice." MORAL OF THE STORY: Not all Irish are drunks. Not all blondes are dumb. But all men....are men. Irish Fun
Mick says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them stupid bastards, because I wasn't even home yesterday." Grenades
Paddy & Mick find three grenades, so they decide to take them to a police station. Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?" Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two." Goldfish
Mick goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy", he tells the vet. Vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me". Mick says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet". Letter
Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope: "DO NOT BEND ". Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the bloody thing up. Trees
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road. Cop says "For God's sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!" Reilly
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, 'Not guilty.' 'That's grand!' shouted Reilly. 'Does that mean I can keep the money?' Missing Dog
An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says: "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" The farmer does. Two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy" he replies. Jail
Paddy's in jail. The Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "What the hell you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself", Paddy replies. "It should be around your neck", says the Guard. "I know", says Paddy, "but I couldn't breathe." An answer I can understand.....
An American tourist asks an Irishman: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the Irishman replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the bloody boat." Drink
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk. Vase
Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, 'Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?' 'No,' said himself, 'but I'm gettin' closer all the time.' Finnegin
Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her out of it. Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time? Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home. Slaney
Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. 'Quick!' he said. 'Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!' 'Tell me, is this her first baby?' the intern asked. 'No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'.' Honeymoon
Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive? Mum's Wish
My Mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life; and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs? |
Ross
This is worth reading, yes, some are pretty clever, a few steps ahead of us, dammit!
NOT ALL THIEVES ARE STUPID!
1. LONG - TERM PARKING
Some people left their car in the long-term parking at San Jose while away, and someone broke into the car. Using the information on the car's registration in the glove compartment, they drove the car to the people's home in Pebble Beach and robbed it. So I guess if we are going to leave the car in long-term parking, we should NOT leave the registration/insurance cards in it, nor your remote garage door opener. This gives us something to think about with all our new electronic technology.
2. GPS:
Someone had their car broken into while they were at a football game. Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been prominently mounted on the dashboard. When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen. The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then used the garage remote control to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had to clean out the house. It would appear that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents. Something to consider if you have a GPS - don't put your home address in it. Put a nearby address (like a store or gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no one else would know where you live if your GPS were stolen.
3. CELL PHONES:
I never thought of this! This lady has now changed her habit of how she lists her names on her cell phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet, etc., was stolen. Twenty minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby says, "I received your text asking about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago." When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text "hubby" in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account.
Moral lesson:
a. Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list. Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc.
b. And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back.
c. Also, when you're being texted by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If you don't reach them, be very careful about going places to meet "family and friends" who text you.
4. PURSE IN THE GROCERY CART SCAM:
A lady went grocery-shopping at a local mall and left her purse sitting in the children's seat of the cart while she reached something off a shelf/ Wait till you read the WHOLE story! Her wallet was stolen, and she reported it to the store personnel. After returning home, she received a phone call from the Mall Security
to say that they had her wallet and that although there was no money in it, it did still hold her personal papers. She immediately went to pick up her wallet, only to be told by Mall Security that they had not called her. By the time she returned home again, her house had been broken into and burglarized. The thieves knew that by calling and saying they were Mall Security, they could lure her out of her house long enough for them to burglarize it.
NOT ALL THIEVES ARE STUPID!
1. LONG - TERM PARKING
Some people left their car in the long-term parking at San Jose while away, and someone broke into the car. Using the information on the car's registration in the glove compartment, they drove the car to the people's home in Pebble Beach and robbed it. So I guess if we are going to leave the car in long-term parking, we should NOT leave the registration/insurance cards in it, nor your remote garage door opener. This gives us something to think about with all our new electronic technology.
2. GPS:
Someone had their car broken into while they were at a football game. Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been prominently mounted on the dashboard. When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen. The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then used the garage remote control to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had to clean out the house. It would appear that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents. Something to consider if you have a GPS - don't put your home address in it. Put a nearby address (like a store or gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no one else would know where you live if your GPS were stolen.
3. CELL PHONES:
I never thought of this! This lady has now changed her habit of how she lists her names on her cell phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet, etc., was stolen. Twenty minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby says, "I received your text asking about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago." When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text "hubby" in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account.
Moral lesson:
a. Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list. Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc.
b. And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back.
c. Also, when you're being texted by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If you don't reach them, be very careful about going places to meet "family and friends" who text you.
4. PURSE IN THE GROCERY CART SCAM:
A lady went grocery-shopping at a local mall and left her purse sitting in the children's seat of the cart while she reached something off a shelf/ Wait till you read the WHOLE story! Her wallet was stolen, and she reported it to the store personnel. After returning home, she received a phone call from the Mall Security
to say that they had her wallet and that although there was no money in it, it did still hold her personal papers. She immediately went to pick up her wallet, only to be told by Mall Security that they had not called her. By the time she returned home again, her house had been broken into and burglarized. The thieves knew that by calling and saying they were Mall Security, they could lure her out of her house long enough for them to burglarize it.
Stan
I Love this Doctor
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians...
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians...
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Stan
Joke Bank content is 9 jokes.
In addition 2 more from Jim that I am having font issues, a further one ex Jim that has been presented, and, a Xmas ex Stan that should be kept.
In addition 2 more from Jim that I am having font issues, a further one ex Jim that has been presented, and, a Xmas ex Stan that should be kept.
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Bulletin Editor - Keith Ball
