That’s it for the week so Let’s look after each other, stay safe and let’s do it.
Remember to check “What’s On” for what’s on. Yours in Rotary Neville Hansen |
Night Reporter
Carol Russell |
A cop pulls a guy over for speeding, he walks up to the car & says 'sir you were going pretty fast back there, what's the hurry?' The guy replies 'oh sorry officer, I always forget to watch my speed when I've had a few drinks.' 'You've been drinking?!' the cop exclaims. 'Well yeah', says the guy, 'I needed a few stiff ones after i stabbed that guy. Fortunately I was able to fit his body in the trunk!' The cop pulls his gun & yells 'STAY WHERE YOU ARE!' He calls for backup. When the 2nd cop arrives they yank the guy from the car, cuff him & search him and the entire car. They find nothing. They give him a breathalyzer - he's clean. The 2nd cop says to the 1st cop 'What the hell? I thought you said this guy was drunk, murdered someone and had a body in the trunk!' Before he can respond the guy says 'Oh yeah? I bet the b*stard told you I was speeding too.
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A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner. "Ok I want to buy a pet, but I don't want a boring normal pet, no cats, or dogs or budgies I want something different." The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede. "Really?" says the man "How much?" The owner informs him that the talking centipede is £50. Happy with the unusual offering the man pays the money and takes his new pet home. On getting home he lays the match box with the centipede in it on the table, opens it and says, "Hello Mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?" The centipede says nothing. Figuring it must be tired from the journey he decides to leave it for an hour and try again later. An hour later he opens the match box and says "Hello Mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?" The centipede again says nothing. Starting to get suspicious the man decides he will give it one more hour, and if the centipede doesn't talk he will take it back to the shop for a refund. An hour later the man opens the match box and says "Hello Mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?" The centipede says "I heard you the first time you moron! I'm putting my shoes on!"
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